The Gorgas are gearing up for another extravaganza, this time in the form of a super-sized sixth birthday party for daughter Antonia. Melissa Gorga sits regally with husband Joe, listening to him rehash his family therapy session while getting done up for the fete by her make up artist in residence.
Joe goes over the less than ideal session and decides that, after just one trip, therapy isn’t for him. He’s not even up for the Dr. Sweeney prescribed traditional family dinner, because he’s got football on Sundays, and really what could be more traditional than that? Wife Melissa nixes that idea quickly and is already thinking of meatball recipes for supper, before she’s even asked Teresa.
The Housewife summit disguised as a child’s birthday party arrives, and is, of course, a standard Gorga affair complete with an insane inflatable obstacle course, a faux tattoo station, and a cotton candy machine. How can we get an invite to one of these things?
Teresa Giudice arrives and makes nice with her new BFF Melissa, who offers to host the Giudices on Sunday, to which Teresa agrees, noncommittally and unconvincingly.
Meanwhile, Kathy Wakile and Rosie are reposing in the shade, (drinks in hand, natch) and give Melissa a recap of their jaunt to the Cubby Hole. Looks like it was a successful trip, as Rosie seems to have made a love connection with a gal who’s name they still can’t remember, but her face certainly made a lasting enough impression, meriting an invite to the Wakile family dinner.
Teresa and Joe then chat about “the ambush,” as the subject of their conversation, Jacqueline Laurita, conveniently walks up the path, 15 feet away and closing in. She goes straight for their little powwow, and the two ladies awkwardly stand inches from each other but miles apart, as Teresa can only manage a half-hearted “I like your leopard” comment before Jacqueline scuttles away.
After Antonia’s party, Melissa’s songwriter, Corte Ellis, stops by and offers her a chance to perform at the outdoor musical festival, Beatstock. It’s a big deal for the fledgling diva, but she’s more than a little hesitant, not only because of the notoriously harsh crowd, but because she’ll need to brush up on her stage moves.
In a blast from the past, she commissions none other than the the former Mr. J.Lo, choreographer Cris Judd, who’s gone from being Michael Jackson’s choreographer to cameoing on The Real Housewives. Cris tries to get beginner Melissa out of her shell, but she’s still a little unsteady on her feet.
Meanwhile, young Gia doesn’t seem to have any problems popping and locking it. In a twist of Bravo fate, Teresa’s oldest is also eyeing a performance spot at the very same Beatstock festival. As Gia gyrates in a cutoff mesh top, the montage looks like something straight out of an episode of Dance Moms, complete with stage mom Teresa looking on supportively as she bounds around. The girl hits her mark though and gets the gig, as Teresa squeals embarrassingly from the sidelines.
Who’s ready for some awkward family introductions? On one end, we’ve got the Wakile clan, who settle in for some pasta sauce and palpable tension. Rosie brings along her girl from the bar, who we learn does have a name, Brianne, as Kathy and the rest wonder how to act around another real live lesbian. Hint: exactly the same. Husband Richie wisely reaches for the booze to help lubricate the conversation, and basically just looks gleeful to be involved in the whole affair.
On the other end, it’s time for us and the Manzos to meet Albie’s girlfriend Lindsey, the pro football cheerleader. The setting couldn’t be more appropriate, as the families all gather at a gay bar to celebrate Greg’s birthday and have some good drunk fun. Or at least, they try to. Poor Lindsey gets the full force of the Housewives’s arsenal of female advice, which includes “buying fruit baskets” and regular sex. Sounds like the recipe for a … fruitful marriage.
Finally, the Manzo women arrive, and Albie shows off his cheerleader, who is ironically less than cheery as she is herded around the bar. The gals, however, don’t seem to be impressed with Albie’s newest lurve. Lauren “accidentally” uses her name and whore in the same sentence one too many times while envying her svelte figure, and Caroline Manzo just wants her son to focus on work. BLK over babes, Albie.
Somehow, things take a turn for the crazy as Greg ends up taking birthday shots off of Joe Gorga’s naked chest and Melissa gives an “impromptu” performance of her single followed by some more shirtless Joe. At least they keep it interesting.