Another day, another fang-poppin' episode of True Blood! This week's quotes were even more OMFG-inducing than usual, mostly because Sookie spent the entire episode drunk and we spent the entire episode high on the fumes emanating from Alcide's freshly oiled six-pack.
10. Jason asks a deep question: "Hey, you know what’s fucked up?"
Andy: "I got a pretty long list."
How about the fact that Christopher Meloni was pushed out of Law & Order?
9. Lafayette realizes he has horns: "No, no, no. I ain’t down with this hinky Brujo shit."
Clearly, he needs to go talk to some animated dolls.
8. Jason's mom comforts him: "Do you want a little sex? Sex always makes you feel better, doesn’t it? Not even a blowjob?"
To reiterate, this is a conversation Jason's having WITH HIS MOM.
7. Pam greets Tara: "You actually look half decent."
Tara: "If I wanted to look like a drag queen, I would have raided Lafayette’s closet."
And you would have looked spectacular.
6. Andy's mind gets blown: "I f—ed a fairy?"
Apparently, the glow-in-the dark ET fingers didn't clue him in.
5. Sookie shame-spirals: "Alcide, are we going to ever talk about the fact that I puked on your shoes?
Never forgive, never forget.
4. Pam threatens her vampire baby: "I saved your f—ing life and lent you some truly exquisite clothes. But if you ever do anything to mess with Fangtasia, I will silver you and stick you in a coffin until the next millennium."
We all saw what happened to Russell when he was buried with silver. NAGL.
3. Sookie real talks in the insane asylum: "Remind me to avoid peach schnapps in the future."
Creepiest walk of shame ever, by the way.
2. Eric hates on The Big Apple: "New York City smells like pee and the people are rude."
Probably because they're being deprived of jumbo soda.
1. Random townie begs for his life: "Please, don’t take me. It’s not my time. I’m too skinny. I was on Atkins and I lost 40 pounds. Take the others, please, please. Fatties first."
Our new life motto: Fatties first.