Credit: John P. Johnson/HBO ©2012 Home Box Office    
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True Blood

Top True Blood Quotes From Season 5, Episode 5: “I F—ed a Fairy?!”

Another day, another fang-poppin' episode of True Blood! This week's quotes were even more OMFG-inducing than usual, mostly because Sookie spent the entire episode drunk and we spent the entire episode high on the fumes emanating from Alcide's freshly oiled six-pack.

10. Jason asks a deep question: "Hey, you know what’s fucked up?"

Andy: "I got a pretty long list."

How about the fact that Christopher Meloni was pushed out of Law & Order?

9. Lafayette realizes he has horns: "No, no, no. I ain’t down with this hinky Brujo shit."

Clearly, he needs to go talk to some animated dolls.

8. Jason's mom comforts him: "Do you want a little sex? Sex always makes you feel better, doesn’t it? Not even a blowjob?"

To reiterate, this is a conversation Jason's having WITH HIS MOM.

7. Pam greets Tara: "You actually look half decent."

Tara: "If I wanted to look like a drag queen, I would have raided Lafayette’s closet."

And you would have looked spectacular.

6. Andy's mind gets blown: "I f—ed a fairy?"

Apparently, the glow-in-the dark ET fingers didn't clue him in.

5. Sookie shame-spirals: "Alcide, are we going to ever talk about the fact that I puked on your shoes?

Alcide: "Nope."

Never forgive, never forget.

4. Pam threatens her vampire baby: "I saved your f—ing life and lent you some truly exquisite clothes. But if you ever do anything to mess with Fangtasia, I will silver you and stick you in a coffin until the next millennium."

We all saw what happened to Russell when he was buried with silver. NAGL.

3. Sookie real talks in the insane asylum: "Remind me to avoid peach schnapps in the future."

Creepiest walk of shame ever, by the way.

2. Eric hates on The Big Apple: "New York City smells like pee and the people are rude."

Probably because they're being deprived of jumbo soda.

1. Random townie begs for his life: "Please, don’t take me. It’s not my time. I’m too skinny. I was on Atkins and I lost 40 pounds. Take the others, please, please. Fatties first."

Our new life motto: Fatties first.

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Alexander Skarsgard
Anna Paquin

07.9.2012 / 08:11 PM EDT by Mehera Bonner
Related: True Blood, Quotes

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