We love True Blood with the passion of a thousand "The Suuuuuuuuuuuuns," but do you end each episode swimming in WTF confusion? Join the club, home girls 'n guys. True Blood is a brilliant show full of sexy actors, but sometimes our jaws drop at the whacktacular happenings in Bon Temps.
Check out the five biggest WTF bombs from Season 5, Episode 5: "Let's Boot and Rally."
1. Jesus' Severed Head Pops Up to Say, "Hey Y'all"
We can only assume that whomever wrote this week's episode of True Blood was high off one too many aortas. We were WTFing all over ourselves, especially when Lafayette took an innocent cat-nap only to wake up to Jesus' severed head staring at him.
Look, Ghost Jesus, last time you showed up you were a peace-loving see-through sprite, and now you're a disembodied head with sewn-shut lips. What. Is. Happening?!
2. Sookie Has Drunken Hallucination, Remains Adorable
We've all had our drunken moments of hysterical laughter and deranged hallucinations, but Sookie definitely overdid it on the peach schnapps. Are we the only ones who dropped jaw when she imagined Bill, Eric, and Alcide barking at each other?
Of course, Alcide barks all time anyway (werewolf probs), but we never want to hear those noises come out of Bill's mouth again. It's hard enough for us to get over his "southern drawl."
3. Jason's Mom Offers Him Sex, We Go Deaf and Blind
Jason's foray into Fantasy Land started off with so much promise: An adorable footed onesie, Sookie as a cute little girl, Cheerios (delish), and folksy accents. But then his mom offered him a "blow job" and everything went downhill.
We know Jason is addicted to sex, but mother-son incest just crosses the line. Clearly, poor Jason was traumatized by his time spent with all the Uncle Daddies in Hot Shot.
4. Lafayette Wears a Giant Puffy Vest For No Reason
Does anyone else thinks LaLa's delusions were a direct result of heat stroke? Boyfriend was wearing an enormous arctic vest in the Dirty South, and last time we checked temperatures were pretty high in October.
We know beauty is pain, but control your urges, Lafayette. Put the polar fleece jacket with cut-out nipple holes down before you hurt yourself.
5. The Smoke Monster Visits Bon Temps
Give a warm welcome to Louisiana's newest supernatural, The Smoke Monster. This friendly creature kills people by giving them hugs, so we can only assume he's misunderstood and just wants a few friends. After all, everyone on "The Island" rejected him when Lost was canceled. This really takes it to a whole new level of crazy. High five, Alan Ball!