We love True Blood with the passion of a thousand "The Suuuuuuuuuuuuns," but do you end each episode basking in WTF glory? Join the club, y'all.
Our jaws constantly drop at the whacktacular happenings in Bon Temps, and it's time to check out the biggest WTF bombs from Season 5, Episode 6: "Hopeless."
1. Is Roman Sponsored By Nike?
We love that Roman spent this entire episode decked out in a Nike polo-shirt for absolutely no reason. Also, what a great outfit to meet the True Death in. One part keg-standing frat boy, one part retired golfing champ, and one thousand parts sexy. We'll miss you, Agent Stabler.
2. Bill Gives Sookie an Existential Lecture
It's like, all The Authority wanted Bill to do was glamor Sookie. How hard can it be, right? But instead fake-wiping her memory like a normal person, he felt the need to give her a life lesson about "the sun," and his "feelings," and how she needs to walk around with "her kind."
If by her kind he means supernatural weirdos, then maybe these two really do belong together!
3. Eric Gently Rubs Spit All Over Alcide
Like Bill, Eric was asked to do one thing: Glamor Alcide. But instead, he sensually licked his thumb and traced spit all over Alcide's face under the pretense of healing him.
We see right through you, buddy. Not only did Alcide barely have a scratch on his face, he had a gaping open wound on his shoulder that Eric left unattended. Dude just wanted an excuse to caress Alcide's chiseled jaw.
4. Sam Wanders Around In a Hospital Gown, We Go Blind
Note to hospitals everywhere: Please never let men with middle-parted hair wear gowns. Sam was made for shrink-to-fit Levis, and anything else is completely unacceptable.
By the way, how did Sam and Luna even end up at the hospital when they were lying half dead in the middle of a field? Furthermore, there's a hospital in Bon Temps? Huh, learn something new every day.
5. Sookie Shows Up at Merlotte's, Remains Employed
Someone please explain how Sookie still has a job at Merlotte's. She barely comes to work, and when she does she up, she leaves without notice to do things like "wander in the woods."
Sam is powerless to resist the Sookster's perky lady lumps, but at this point we're amazed she hasn't been fired. Also, it's called a size medium. Double also, it's called pants.
BONUS: Sam Shoots to Kill
Look, Samuel. We know the owner of The Stake Store was trying to kill Andy, but did you really need to shoot an arrow directly into his chest? You are clearly a serial killer, and it's time to come to terms with it.