Imagine if those guys ended up Emily Maynard’s final three on The Bachelorette Season 8 instead of the hot seat drama boys on Em’s “Men Tell All” special. Now add the other Chris — Rosemaster Chris Harrison — who starred in many memorable MTA moments, especially his never-before-seen clips with Ms. I-Make-Cat-Videos-About-My-Mini-Lions. They have good chemistry — but never mind all them because if the “live” audience is any indication, viewers want to marry and screw Sean Lowe and kill anyone who doesn’t adore him.
10. Emily: "I loved [Arie's] brothers. I told his brothers that if it all didn't work out that I'd be calling them." Stop! Save at least a few single Luyendyks for the rest of the planet.
9. Emily: "I do a really good Running Man." Chris H: “I will give you $4 to see that right now." Emily [after saying no]: "After the Final Rose, I will do the Running Man." Someone teach this child how to haggle — he offers $4, you counter with $750,000 and settle around $125,000. You don't just change the date.
8. Joe Gendreau [to Kalon]: "This is f--king ridiculous. You were here for the glitz and the glamour." As opposed to Joe, who was just there to SHOUT and show off his hair.
7. Kalon [after Emily says he should be a politician]: “Well, I’m guessing I can’t count on your vote.” But if he allows parents to check their children like baggage at the airport, it could save money and cabin space. Think about it, voters.
6. Chris H. [to Ryan]: "Is there room, and possibility, that you might just be an arrogant ass?" Oh there's plenty of room — but at least he’s an amusing and entertaining arrogant ass.
5. Chris H.: "How many do you think you'll actually sleep with during this whole thing?" Emily: "Hopefully all 25. That would be a success." If Debbie can do Dallas, Emily can do Charlotte.
4. Muppet: “Hey, Chris, did you ever think about having any puppets on your show?” Chris Harrison: “Well, we did have Jake Pavelka.” Cue the joke comparing Vienna to Miss Piggy.
3. Emily [on her type]: I always like the guys who are like tattooed and, like, maybe a little homeless looking.” So the final two should really be Johnny Depp and that guy sitting outside Dunkin Donuts with a cup out.
2. Emily [to Kalon]: “I just hope that you find faith in something bigger than your Prada shoes and your rented helicopter.” Yeah, it’s called his Lindzi.
1. Emily [to Kalon]: "And you, my dear, should be a politician because that is the biggest load of bullsh-t I've ever heard." And Emily should know — she had to sit through all seven pages of Ryan’s love note.