Alcide Hangs Out Shirtless in a Barn: Detailed Analysis of True Blood Season 5, Episode 7 Promo
The promo for next week's episode ofTrue Bloodis 37 seconds of ET fingers, pervy old men, pearl clutching, and amazing hair.
If you watched it and still don't know whether or not Alcide is shirtless (answer: duh, he is) — don't worry. We’ve parsed through each millisecond of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!
0:01 – Bill and Eric Think Nora Plotted Roman’s Death Wow, these guys catch on quick! (Opposite Day) 0:06 – Sookie Gets a Fairy Chemical Peel Basically, fairies are rubbing their freaky light fingers all over her, and it's glorious. 0:13 – Sookie Zaps Things at Random in an Effort to Become Human Oh, Sookie. You will never be normal, not with that supernatural bod.
0:15 – Jesus Head Hangs Out in Lafayette's Hand Chair This is so offensive to the '80s. Hand chairs are to be respected. 0:18 – Jesus’ Creepy Grandpa Shows Up in Lala’s Living Room Dude just wants to drink some goat blood. So sue him. 0:20 – Tara Pops a Fang at Her Poor Mother Just because you’re a vampire doesn’t mean you need to wear pleather corsets, Tara. 0:21 – Russell Bursts Through Some Curtains With Glee Excuse you, please go put on an ascot.
0:24 – Russell Gets Flirty at a Southern Hoedown This poor hillbillies don’t know what’s coming.
0:26 – Russell And Eric Play 'I’ll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours' Sadly, they're only showing off their fangs. 0:26 – Russell Clutches His Pearls Ahhhh, human blood. Cue fang erection.
0:29 – Russell Wanders Around in a Fedora Sigh, will this trend never stop?
0:30 – JD Predicts “The End of Days” 2012, guys. It’s happening.
0:32 – A Redhead Vamp (Jessica?!) Chomps on Jason's Neck Luckily, he hits her in the head with his gun. No harm done! 0:32 – Alcide Is Shirtless in a Barn And all the farm animals have gone blind. 0:33 – Sam Punches a Random in the Face Really, Sam? You just finished murdering someone. Control your urges.