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The Bachelorette

Top Ed Swiderski Quotes From Bachelor Pad 2012 Premiere: “It’s Not a Hot Tub! It’s a Cold Tub!”

Was Ed Swiderski always this much of a hilarious trainwreck? Jillian Harris, you put a ring on that? We remember his wacky green shorts on The Bachelorette — and weren’t surprised by the Rico Suave jacket on the Bachelor Pad 3 premiere — but when he brought out Little Ed for a drunken pout in a cold jacuzzi, our eyebrows started to dance. Then he (gasp!) blew off Chris Harrison’s group speech to spend more time in the pool. That. Is. Not. OK. Do not disrespect The Rosemaster.

That said, Ed is now more interesting than ever. Here are some of the best Ed quotes from a very sloshy BP3 premiere.

6. Ed: “I'm not an angel.”
Although if you put me at the top of your Christmas tree I promise to leer down at everyone.

5. Ed: "What am I doing here?"
Chris Harrison: "I don't know. But thank you for not wearing the green shorts. I appreciate that.”
Ed: "Oh, I brought them."
Noooo! The green shorts are the source of his power. They are reverse kryptonite. Burn them!

4. Ed [on Rachel Trueheart]: "She's definitely my type. I'm a blonde kind of a guy."
Um, then why were you engaged to a brunette for a year?

3. Chris H: [after Ed loudly belches in the middle of his speech]: “Bless his heart.”
Ed’s gonna sleep with the fishes if he keeps messing with The Rosemaster’s timing.

2. Sarah [to Drunk Ed]: "Ed, we get it, you've got like a big [dick] and you're funny but pull it together."
Ah. Now we know why Jillian picked him.

1. Ed: "Where's the heat? It's not a hot tub. It's a cold tub!"
Now, now, you can’t blame shrinkage.