Our passion for True Blood knows no bounds — Comic-Con 2013, here we come! — but do you end each episode scratching your head in WTF bemusement? We're right there with you, fang girls. Our jaws constantly drop at the supernatural happenings in Bon Temps, and it's time to check out the biggest WTF moments from Season 5, Episode 8: "Somebody That I Used To Know."
1. Sookie Fails to Notice That Jason's Hands Are Covered in Blood, Is Worst Sister Ever
Look Sookie, we know you're all about taking fairy dumps on the forest floor, but what kind of person has an entire conversation with their brother without noticing that his body is covered in blood? Then again, we know Sookie gets turned on by blood, so maybe this was a blessing in disguise.
2. Sookie Gets Her Vamp On, Huffs Her Own Bloody Band Aid
Poor Sookie seriously can't do anything without making an O-face. This week, a simple kumbaya bonding session turned into a sexcation, wherein Sook inhabited the memory of the vamp who killed her parents and ended up getting high on her own blood. We get it, Sookie. Everyone thinks you smell amazing. Now, bottle those fairy pheromones and spread the love!
3. Pervy Vampire Ghost Peeps on Sookie in the Bathroom
We thought the weirdest part of this season was Lost's Smoke Monster wandering into Bon Temps to bond with Terry, but no — this week, Sookie got a bathroom visit from a perverted Vampire Cloud. You know, a cloud in the shape of a mysterious vampire? Apparently that's a thing now!
4. Old Timey Bill Brings the LOLs
If you thought Bill's hilarious past couldn't get more hilarious, think again. This week, he took us on a trip to ye olden days, wherein he visited his bed-ridden daughter only to stun her with his amazing middle-parted hair and then flat out reject her. Oh, William. Never change.
5. Bill Is Totally Evil
Remember back in the day when Bill was a cuddly love bug with a fetish for graveyard sex? Well, now he's a blood-thirsty Sanguinista who wants to kill us all. We have nothing further to say on the matter, mostly because we are bawling our eyes out.
6. Jesus and Lala May or May Not Still Be Dating, Ghosty Style
Can someone please explain what is happening between Lafayette and Jesus? Are they dating or broken up? And more importantly, is Jesus dead or alive? Because if he's still dead, we're pretty sure Lala has an imaginary friend. Someone pass us our doo-rag — we're worried.
7. Blazed-Up Bill Fondles Mardi Gras Beads
Suffice it to say, Mardis Gras is ruined. As are feathers, beads, masks, and parades.