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The Bachelorette

7 Biggest WTF Moments From Bachelor Pad 3, Episode 3: Hookups and Wax Figures

Bachelor Pad 3, Episode 3 was a beautiful roller coaster filled with shrieks of glee, downward spirals, and — of course — vomit. We've managed to fish out the seven biggest WTF moments in a sea of OMFG goodery for you to look back on. All we can say is, we suggest you flop around in a pile of fudge before reading this. It will make the experience that much more delish.

1. Chris Harrison Forces His Subjects To Writhe Around in Fudge and Ice Cream
Usually Chris "Cupid" Harrison is able to keep his sexual fetishes at bay, but when it comes to The Pad, there's no stopping him. This week, Chris forced his players to strap themselves into string bikinis and flop around in a field of whip cream like beached whales. We can't even imagine the number of off-camera nip slips that went down, but we're pretty sure we saw Ed's flying pickle.

2. Ed Is Ridiculously Bad at Scaling Hot Fudge Walls, His Pickle Weeps
Ed is a man of many talents (screaming "Uh, Uh, Uh" while having sex, for example), but climbing up giant mountains of fudge isn't one of them. Clearly this guy grew up in some alternative hippie house and was fed gluten-free organic kale chips his whole life, because he's never seen fudge before. Doesn't he know you have to eat your way to the top?

3. Reid Hoses Off The Ladies, Is an Evil Genius and a Total Perv
We have to hand it to ABC's camera crew. These guys know what's up when it comes to getting the money shot. This week, an unsuspecting Reid was caught hosing whipped cream and foam off a sea of writhing ladies, and it was it was at this point that we realized he needs to be kicked off Bachelor Pad and hired by MTV's Spring Break circa the 90s. Sadly, time travel hasn't been invented yet (or has it).

4. Ed and Jaclyn Hook Up
We love Jaclyn and her sassy self, which is why we were slightly shocked (read: appalled) when she played a round of "pass the pickle" with Ed. We know, we know, crazy things happen when you're drunk on boxed white wine, but you'd think Jacky would checked herself once Ed screamed "What are you gonna do with it!" at her.

5. Chris Harrison Is Eerily Good at Being a Wax Figure
You guys, brace yourselves. We're pretty sure Chris Harrison is a robot. At this point, there's no other reasonable explanation for how amazingly still he was as a fake wax figure. Unblinking eyes, guys. We're pretty sure he wasn't even breathing. Our theory? An ABC intern tapped into Chris' control panel and pushed "Look Creepy."

6. Jamie Ugly-Cries About Spending The Holidays By Herself
Jamie is an old spinster, and if she doesn't find someone to fall in love with on national TV, she's looking at spending the holidays alone. That's Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Hanukkah — everything,. Also, Santa Claus isn't real, which is just icing on this tragic cake.

7. Tony Unleashes His Inner Ventriloquist, We Run Away In Fear
If you thought Tony skills were limited to chucking wood and hauling lumber, you'd be wrong. This guy is a coat of many colors who loves nothing more than wearing mysteriously square tank tops and practicing some good ol' fashioned ventriloquism. That's right, Tony can talk with his mouth shut, which might have been hot in the 1800s, but nowadays? Not a good look.