When we last left the Jerseyites, they had just arrived in California and were roughing it by camping in a parking lot in luxurious RVs. This week, they've moved on to a new campsite and they kick off their day with a drunken surfing lesson. All of the guys squeeze into wetsuits, which remind Joey Gorga of black condoms, which make him horny. Sigh.
Of the women, only Kathy Wakile and Teresa Giudice brave the waters; Jacqueline Laurita feels too chubby for a suit, Melissa Gorga prefers to keep it sexy in her bedazzled bikini, and Caroline Manzo just doesn't surf. Both Kathy and Teresa succeed briefly, though Teresa hurts her foot when she falls off her board. On the bright side, she has something to complain about the rest of the trip.
After a disturbing scene from the Gorga/Giudice RV that included Joey whipping out "Tarzan" for his wife and sister to see, the group decides to play Truth or Dare, which results in more scantily-clad Joey. On that note, the traveling clown show moves on to their next destination.
On the way, Albie reveals to Caroline that his girlfriend Lindsey has moved into their apartment. Caroline is happy for him, but concerned that it's too soon. Lauren is pissed that she gets to find out via walkie talkie. To make matters worse, everyone is super disappointed to discover that the Golden Gate Bridge is just a plain old bridge and is not, in fact, made of gold. Topping off the list of tragic events, there's no cell service. How will their experiences exist if they can't tweet about them?
As they get closer to their next stop, Casini Ranch, the group gets more and more freaked out by the spooky surroundings, like trees and grass and stuff. The fear turns to panic when they realize their new camping home also consists of nothing but trees and grass. What are they gonna do there, Caroline wonders. Um ... camp?
But it's only a matter of hours before the families make themselves at home, cooking up an outrageous feast and making Lauren feel bad about herself. After locking herself in the RV to cry for awhile over the fact that she's the target of all jokes, she decides she's not going to ruin her trip with a bad attitude.
The next day, they go canoeing, which turns into bumper-car style canoeing. (This may be the most brilliant idea these people have ever had.) It's all fun and games until Melissa falls in the inches-deep water and starts screaming like Jamie Lee Curtis in Halloween as we desperately scramble to hit the mute button on our remote controls.
The bottom line is everyone is getting along great, so naturally Teresa needs to stir up something to make things right with the world. And this is as good time as any to revisit her feud with Jacqueline. The former besties hole up in the RV to try to figure out why Jacqueline is so mad at Teresa. Voices are raised, tears are shed, and hugs are shared.
And we still have no idea what the hell these two were ever fighting about. Next week, the wine will flow and the Housewives will gulp it down when they finally reach Napa Valley.