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The Bachelorette

Top 10 Quotes From Bachelor Pad 3, Episode 4: “All I Do Is, Like, Look at Her Boobs”

Missing: Jamie Otis’ self-esteem, dignity and overall grasp of reality. But at least she looked really pretty this week. (Nice earrings!) The Bachelor Pad 3 lass should call Melissa Schreiber. Melissa drowned in these exact waters on Bachelor Pad 2 and they could probably bond over their shared sad, crazy, delusions disappointment. And, seriously, all this drama over Chris Bukowski? Too bad they missed the part where he admitted he’s just looking at boobs. Or would they start gushing over his honesty? Nick Peterson is in the house too, you know, ladies. Just saying. We’re also saying the following stuff about our 10 favorite quotes from BP3 Episode 4:

10. Blakeley Jones [on Chris B.]: “I think he’s like a little snake in the grass.”
And now his little snake has become Sarah Newlon’s new flying pickle.

9. Kalon McMahon [on questionnaire challenge]: “I see the direction this is going. I expect lots of tears. It’s ‘Who’s the ugliest, who’s the smartest, who’s the fattest?’ So pretty much every answer is either me or Erica.”
Oh, Kalon, you’re not that fat.

8. Chris: “I really don’t like Jamie, but she’s hot.”
What Jamie heard: “Blah blah blah blah Jamie, blah she’s hot.”

7. Chris [on Jamie]: “I feel like the only way to shut her up is just to kiss her.”
We have a feeling Blakeley might try to shut Chris up. She already suggested this idea in the premiere — and then repeated it again tonight. Be afraid, Chris.

6. Jaclyn Swartz: "I mean, who doesn't have a crush on Ed?"
Reid, for one. Or was that the real problem?

5. Jamie [on Chris B.]: “That’s the great thing about him. He doesn’t get pleasure out of causing pain. He’s loyal and that’s so attractive.”
Famous last words, kid.

4. Erica Rose: “I’m gonna eat my kids’ hair sometime.”
Sweetie, you’re just feeding Kalon his food jokes now.

3. Chris: “Honestly, the best thing I have done is traded in Blakeley and Jamie for Sarah. It’s like buying a new car. You’ve got the nice new car smell and it’s just so much smoother and nicer and easier for me.”
Chris Harrison, maybe the solution here is to give Chris B. the keys to Kalon’s Porsche?

2. Kalon [on comforting Jamie]: “I mean, when you put a dog down you sit there and pet its head, right?”
Poor Kalon is so misunderstood. He meant to use the b-word, not insult dogs. Total victim!

1. Chris [on Jamie, but probably Blakeley too]: “All I do is, like, look at her boobs.”
Suddenly Blake Julian seems like Prince Charming.