First impressions are everything, right?
You know a show is going to be good when it begins with Kevin Jonas exiting the bathroom and warning his doe-eyed wife, Danielle Deleasa, not to go in there for a while. And, after this romantic gesture, the oldest Joe Bro creeps into bed and proceeds to discuss the only topic appropriate for a couple who've been married more than two years: baby-making.
After this intro, we’re supposed to run with the premise that the Deleasas are the overstuffed, redneck New Jersey family to the Jonas’s well-groomed celebrity dynasty, right? Sure! To solidify the crazy contrast, Married With Jonas opens with clips of the Jonas Brothers at press events, followed by Danielle’s dad, Bucky, making fart noises with his hands. Classy.
“Just a few years ago I was touring the world with my brothers,” Kevin narrates. To which Danielle delivers the lackluster response: “And I was in beauty school in New Jersey.”
New Jersey native Danielle has quite the family. Her dad likes to come over unannounced, which really cuts into Kevin’s baby-making agenda and is, like, so totally embarrassing. Luckily, Kev escapes to the recording studio with his bros, where the band is reuniting and giving his reality show some purpose.
“We’re not the same teenage Jonas Brothers anymore ... we’re not,” Kevin insists, as if he’s heard the majority of America’s disbelief.
To prove his point, Kevin attends a red-carpet event as Danielle panics about life in the ever-imposing spotlight. But Dani quickly learns that she has no time to worry about press-related chaos: the entire Jonas family is coming over to their mini-mansion for dinner!
Kev’s wife is so on-edge that she threatens to put a banana in Kevin’s bed. He takes the comment as sexual, but she claims the reference had to do with the fact that Kevin’s not into bananas. And from the lack of complexity this girl’s shown thus far, we tend to believe her.
Before you know it, the Jonas family is coming over for one of the most imposing dinner sequences we’ve seen on TV. It’s clear from the start that Danielle is most uncomfortable around Mama Jonas, Denise, who sort of reminds us of Revenge’s Victoria Grayson, only she shares cooking tips instead of government secrets.
“Kevin’s mom is so put-together,” Danielle says. “Sometimes I get nervous around her because I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I’m afraid that I’m going to say something stupid, or I don’t know what I’m talking about sometimes.”
And she really doesn’t. But, like the drunken sorority sister whom you try to comfort as she sobs about her boyfriend, it’s hard not to feel bad for a Jersey girl who married into B-List fame.
Our sympathy continues as the entire Jonas family, including Nick and Joe, weigh in on the baby-making schedule. Obviously, it can’t interfere with the highly anticipated Jonas Brothers reunion, so everyone’s trying to figure out some sort of special bat signal Danielle can send out when she’s ready to get busy.
Cut to Dani, sitting with her mouth open, listening to Denise Jonas condescendingly telling her, “You can cook for us anytime.”
But once the fam departs, she’s ready to speak her mind, exclaiming, “I never have a say so!” To which Kevin responds, “What kind of say so do you want?”
Hmm, Kev, we wonder what kind of input Danielle may want. It's only her womb, after all.
With all the family and baby drama things have gotten pretty tense, but Kevin sets things right with these magic words: “I like the way your butt shakes when you walk away.”
Original Air Date: Sunday, August 19 at 10 p.m. ET on E!
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