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The Bachelorette

Top 10 Quotes From Bachelor Pad 3, Episode 6: “I Can’t Imagine Anyone Loving Anyone More”

Are you “flabberghasted” that Kalon McMahon couldn’t use his witty powers of suggestion to save himself and Lindzi Cox? Should he have bribed Bachelor Pad 3’s resident "emotional alcoholics" with free helicopters? Or maybe Team Kindzi should’ve tried to 1) spell better and 2) hide their adorableness so no one saw them as a threat. If we learned anything this week, it’s that spelling does matter and sometimes a trainwreck partnership is safer than a solid one. Before you change your Facebook status to “it’s way more complicated than it needs to be,” read these 10 quotes from BP3, Episode 6.

10. Jaclyn Swartz [to Ed Swiderski]: “You’re making me feel like an insignificant piece of sh-t.”
And I want to feel like a special, significant piece of sh-t. I’m important!

9. Blakeley Jones: "Who spells anymore, honestly?"
Nonebody, gurl! Not that anyone does anything honestly on BP3.

8. Jaclyn [on the spelling bee bell-ringer being disgusted with them]: “I was like ‘I will put you on that bus and send you off to a faraway place where mommy and daddy won’t know where you are.’”
She’s banishing him to the cold tub! Run, little bell-ringer!

7. Ed [to Jaclyn]: “I feel like this is like a Facebook status thing.”
And right now Ed’s status is set to “Thinking With My Pickle.”

6. Kalon: “Ed’s been f-cking Jaclyn this whole time but he really f-cked us here.”
Kalon, if you had just learned how to spell ceremony without an extra “o” you could’ve saved yourself from the cockamamie rose “ceromony.”

5. Chris Bukowski: “I’m still trying to figure out how long it takes for a broken heart to heal.”
Maybe Jamie Otis can give you an estimate.

4. Kalon: “Just because we’re not emotional alcoholics that run around here hammered crying about our feelings and don’t scheme doesn’t mean we don’t want this more than anybody.”
Why, whoever could he mean?

3. Sarah Newlon: “The spelling bee is really making me realize that I’m living with a bunch of idiots.”
If you just figured that out, you’ve been among your own kind all along.

2. Jaclyn: “I don’t want to look like a moron.”
Ed: “OK, well, I don’t want to look like an a*shole.”
Jaclyn: “I don’t want to look like a whore.”
What a shame this riveting heart-to-heart didn’t play out before America met Ed’s flying pickle.

1. Kalon [to Lindzi]: “All I know is how I feel about you — and I can’t imagine anyone loving anyone more than I do you.”
Aww! Quick, cast Kindzi on The Amazing Race or Big Brother or Survivor or anything. We need more! (Just please don’t let them pull an Ames & Jackie...)