Bones Recap of Season 8, Episode 3 “The Gunk in the Garage” — Sweets Kisses Another Woman!
Sigh, another day, another deranged murderer trolling around Washington D.C. This week, our favorite crime-fighting lovers are back on the case, and once again have zero time to a) have sex, b) pay attention to the child prodigy that is Baby Christine, or c) change out of their jumpsuits. It's like, god, murderers, don't you realize you're totally harshing B&B's mellow?
Twinsense and Sensibility
Are you planning a relaxing trip to our nation's capitol? Well think again, because everyone is exploding. This week, an innocent random makes the mistake of vaycaying in the 202, only to walk down to the hotel's parking garage and promptly get exploded by a slurpee bomb. Sigh, you literally can't go anywhere in this city without coming across human remains and nerds. Luckily, our trusty squinterns are on the case, by which we mean they frolick gleeful among body parts until some intestines rain on Hodgins' face like a beautiful waterfall. At this point, we don't even feel nauseous anymore, and frankly we kind of want to go to there.
After scraping up what remains of the victim and dry-icing his skull, the macabre mafia haul him back to the lab and discover that he is one Robert Carlson, an adorable man who's been blasted into a million little pieces. Jackpot!
In other news, the time has come for Sweets(John Francis Daley) to finally enter puberty and become a man. That's right, he's assigned a temporary FBI partner named Special Agent Olivia Sparling to help him on the case, and let's just say sparks are flying. No, literally, these two are like oil and water –– or in geek speak protons and electrons. Yes, we went there. Atoms!
Of course, Sweets and Olivia have to put their differences aside in order to tell the victim's wife about her hubby's death –– but the catch? Robert Carlson walks up during Sweet's real-talking session and blows everyone's mind. Yep, he's alive! And if you're currently shouting "twinsies" at their screen, we're right there with you.
Bad news, guys. Booth (David Boreanaz) has to work a budget surplus desk job if he wants a promotion at the FBI –– which means he won't be able to solve murders with Brennan (Emily Deschanel) or kill clown statues with gay abandon. We know, we know. Poor Booth wants to get a raise and fund Christine's latest project (writing The Gospel According To BBC, obvs), but is the salary really worth the lack of manly action? All we know is that Brennan wants to buy Christine an $800 dollar stroller with epic rims, so Booth better make some fast cash.
Meanwhile, back at the lab, Angela (Michaela Conlin) and Brennan realize that Robert Carlson had a long-lost identical brother who was beaten up by a loan shark, which could explain some of the knicks on his bones. Oh, and Hodgins (TJ Thyne) blows up silicone human head, because apparently that's helpful. You know, the usual!
So, what are Sweets and Olivia up to while the Jeffersonians fondle femurs? Sweets uses his super-powered nerd skills to ascertain that the victim is an unhappily married man named Jerry, which has Olivia swooning all over herself. Naturally, these two consummate their forbidden love by eye-sexing, and it's just like what about Daisy. Does her squeaky voice and anal retentive 'tude mean nothing to you, Sweets?
Twinsane in the Membrane
As we know, twins are super creepy and weird, and these two are no exception. Turns out Jerry and Roger are identical in more ways than one: They both have domineering wives, they both drive the same type of car, and –– oh –– they were both at the hotel at the same time, wearing the exact same outfit. Apparently, Roger and Jerry were attending a "self-actualization synergy" retreat, which means Roger lied to the FBI about his whereabouts on the night his brother died.
Poor Roger just wants to hide his hippie lifestyle so he can secretly move to Colorado, and it looks like his wife hired a contract killer to stop him. The problem? The killer got the wrong guy, and now he's trying to kill the real Roge
Obviously, Booth can barely contain himself when he hears the news, so he leaves the budgeting crisis in Cam's(Tamara Taylor) unwilling hands and books it over to Dupont Circle to save the day. Honestly, we're relieved. Poor Booth has no idea how to do math. Like, even we are better at adding than he is (1 cheeto + 1 cheeto = 2 cheetos).
As Booth heads to "the field," Brennan and her squinterns discover that the person who detonated the bomb was injured in the attack, which helps Booth ID the killer as the foreman of a demolition company Brennan and Hodgins had visited. The best part? Sweets gets to show-off in front of Olivia and steal said foreman's slushee bomb! Of course, he accidentally gets shot by Olivia in the process, but don't worry, guys. It's nothing a brief makeout session on a gurney won't fix.
By the way, Brennan has taken to force-feeding Booth quinoa. We're so worried that Christine will grow up to be some Kale-chip eating hippie who changes her name to "Lark" during her twenties. Save yourself, Christine!