TAYLOR ARMSTRONG Ranking: 7 (out of 7) Here’s why: We’re glad that Taylor is gaining some much-needed weight, but we’re not sure it was all that fun for Adrienne to help Taylor shop for an event that she wasn’t invited to. Adrienne’s like, “The next time we hang out, I get to pick what we do.”
And if Taylor indeed feels close to Adrienne, shouldn’t she have told her friend Dwight not to refer to Adrienne as “calculating” at the Villa Blanca party? Just sayin’.
YOLANDA FOSTER Ranking: 6 Here’s why: It will take some time for Yolanda to get to know the women, but we’re definitely looking forward to seeing her mix it up, given that her sexy conversation with Brandi was one of the episode’s highlights. And any woman who can get her husband to still write love notes to her deserves our utmost respect.
KIM RICHARDS Ranking: 5 Here’s why: It’s comforting that Kim is still as wacky as ever, as she regales her daughter with stories from her prom night, which is what every teenager wants to hear. By the way, how does Kim not know what a “boutonniere” is? And speaking of which, Kimberly probably shouldn’t have Adrienne order the boutonniere, as it might be so massive that no one can lift it.
ADRIENNE MALOOF Ranking: 4 Here’s why: What to make of Adrienne this week? Everyone seemed convinced that Adrienne had an ulterior motive for sending the world’s most noticeable flower arrangement, but we’re hoping otherwise. Either way, Adrienne knows how to make herself the talk of a party, even when she’s not in attendance.
LISA VANDERPUMP Ranking: 3 Here’s why: We’re not gonna lie: We kinda wish Lisa could have been the bigger person and invited Adrienne to her party as a way of “mending bridges,” to use the same advice she gave to Brandi. But aside from that, it was a blast to see Lisa’s new digs (which prove that “downsizing” is all relative), and it’s cute that she and Brandi are getting along so well.
And speaking of Brandi, how long after Brandi left do you think it took for Lisa to throw out that tequila gun and rubber sheet? Twenty seconds? Maybe only 15?
BRANDI GLANVILLE Ranking: 2 Here’s why: Say what you want about Brandi’s lack of boundaries, but the woman certainly knows how to liven things up. Between discussing a canine threesome to telling Yolanda that she’s slept with every man in town, Brandi had us cracking up constantly. We’re just relieved that the word “strap” didn’t mean what Lisa thought it meant on the box for that rubber sheet.
KYLE RICHARDS Ranking: 1 Here’s why: When you get a brand new Maserati for no apparent reason, it’s safe to say you’re having a solid episode. (It’s also safe to say that we want to steal Mauricio even more than we used to.) Kyle could have been slightly more sensitive to Kim’s new life, but we appreciate that she wants Kim at Portia’s party.
And who wouldn’t want to attend Portia’s party? Just hearing Portia call us “dahling” once would make our year.