X Factor 2012 Top 12 Power Rankings: A Total Tate Takeover!
The second round of X Factor Live Shows is complete! Now that Jason Brock and his shiny blazers have been auf'd, it's time to figure out which tribe of confuzzled hill people are the power players. We've ranked the X Factor’s groups based on their chance of producing a winner, and as you might expect, the competition is getting Toxic by Britney Spears circa 2004.
Name:L.A.'s Over 25s Members:Tate Stevens and Vino Alan Ranking: 1 Pros: L.A. completely hates his job and his group, but guess what? Tateand Vino are killing it! Tate nabbed the number one spot in this week's public vote, and Vino wasn't far behind at number three. We're so proud of these oldies. It's like, yes, they are basically senile and we expect them to fall over dead any minute, but Pepsi Dragon IVs are keeping their geriatric hearts going! Cons: We're not sure Tate and Vino are poised for massive success. The key here is teenage fan-girls. Basically, if you can't convince a thirteen-year-old to Sharpie-tat her body with your face, you are nothing.
Name:Britney's Teens Members:Arin Ray,Beatrice Miller,Carly Rose Sonenclar Ranking: 2 Pros: Britney's children continue to shine, and all three of them delivered fabulous performances. But sometimes we remember that Arin is seventeen, and worry he shouldn't be doing pelvic thrusts into the camera. But then we're like, whatever, you’re hot, keep thrusting. Cons:Beatrice Miller's fashion. She needs to understand that the American people aren't quite ready to revisit flannel. It brings back too many painful memories to a time when we were all quoting Papa Roach lyrics and no one showered.
Name:Simon's Groups Members:Emblem3,Lyric 145, and LYLAS 1432 Fifth Harmony Ranking: 3 Pros: There's no way Lyric 145 will last much longer (tragic), but thankfully Simon has Emblem3. However, we were shocked that these bros didn't do better with the public vote! What are you thinking, America? Was their life story not sad enough for you? That one guy was eating yogurt and it was tragic. Hopefully teens in the good ol' USofA will get their heads in the game before Emblem3 become mermaids in protest. Cons: If Emblem3 don't start doing better with the public, Simon might lose faith in them and send his good vibrations to Fifth Harmony. The way we feel about that? Um.…..... (Crickets).
Name:Demi's Young Adults Members:Paige Thomas,Jennel Garcia,CeCe Frey Ranking: 4 Pros: There's no denying that Paige, Jennel and CeCe have great vocals, but... Actually, that's the end of that sentence. Moving on to cons. Cons: Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Jennel is an Avril Lavigne-d shadow of her former adorable self, Paige’s wardrobe is aggressively convinced she's Lady Gaga, and CeCe might be suffering from an acute skin disease that's turning her (back) into a cat lady. All three of these gals are in the midst of an identity crisis, and they need to get back to basics if they're going to survive the competition. Our advice? Kumbaya, my lord.