WTF Moments From X Factor’s Results Show: Harry Styles Loves Us Even Though We’re Fat
The time has come to form a circle and pray for Jason Brock, because he has gone back from whence he came: a cabaret club in San Francisco. He "did it for the gays and Japan," guys, he did it for the gays and Japan. We'll miss you, Jason.
In other news, here are the biggest WTF moments from last night's WTF-y episode — other than Jason's strange buh-bye speech.
6. Harry Styles Loves Us Even Though We're Fat Pick up that slice of pizza. Pick it up, and smear it all around your face in sextacy, because Harry Styles doesn't care. He literally wants you to be hugely obese — in fact, he think it's adorable. To wit: "You still have to squeeze into your jeans but you're perfect to me" and "you've never loved your stomach or your thighs the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine, but I'll love them endlessly." See? Pizza. In. Mouth.
5. The Timing Of This Show = The Opposite of Amazing Look, we know The X Factor is live, and that this fact is really confusing for every single person involved, but please. You'd think after several transcontinental seasons, the underfed interns who run this show would know how to work a sound board. This pacing in this week's episode was more off than ever, and poor Khloe was followed by excruciating silence every time she spoke. Damnit Amario, help your co-host out!
4. Tate Wins Audience Votes! What. Is. Happening? We love Tate so much. In fact, he's our new television father figure. But we were shocked that he beat out acts like Emblem3 and Fifth Harmony for the audience votes. However, after hours of theorizing and writing think pieces in our minds, we've come to a realization: Tate is the 2012 incarnation of Kid Rock. Which means we fully expect him to come on stage next week all, "Bawitaba-da-bang-da-dang-diggy-diggy-diggy-said-the boogie- said-up-jump-the-boogie."
3. Lea Michele Is Randomly in X Factor Audience, Let Us Analyze WHY So, we couldn't help notice that Glee's post-hiatus premiere aired right after X Factor. And we also couldn't help but notice that Lea Michele was sitting in the audience of X Factor surrounded by angry Klaine shippers. We can only assume Lea was forced on set by Fox, where she probably eye-rolled her way through the competition before realizing that Carly Rose Sonenclar is her childhood self.
2. Drew Brees Tries to Join One Direction, Fails Oh, Pepsi. We love your succulent bubbly soda, but we need you to stop taking up precious X Factor time by forcing us to watch videos of footballer Drew Brees (what is football? Who is this person?). Not only was everyone in the audience totally confused by Drew's subtle attempts at humor, One Direction refused to play along and it was all so awkward. Luckily, our searing attraction to Harry made everything better.
1. Britney Wears Headband of Fake Hair Britney started off this competition with such promise. Her outfits were classy, sophisticated, and totally wearable, but now? Now she's time traveled back to 1995, and has taken to wearing belly shirts, glitter, and braids of fake hair wrapped around her head. We're so worried that she'll show up in a juicy couture jumpsuit next week.