Please join us as we submerge our bodies into a sea of skateboards and tramp-stamp "YOLO" onto our lower backs. Emblem3 have been eliminated from The X Factor, and we're officially in mourning. Everything is dark and uncertain, and we expect John Cusack to wander in all "this is 2012" any moment now. Basically, we're in a really sad place, and the only thing that can possibly cheer us up is list-making and chunks of cheddar cheese.
If you're similarly depressed about Emblem3's dismissal from The X Factor, join us as we round up five reasons they should have stayed in the competition!
1. Boy Bands Are Making a Comeback Boy bands went out of style after NSYNC and The Backstreet Boys ruined everything with their weird matchy-matchy outfits and trips to the moon (looking at you, Lance Bass), but there is a new era upon us. Bands like One Direction and The Wanted are taking over the industry, and Emblem3 would have been a shoe-in. We're shocked that America didn't realize their potential! After all, if we've learned one thing from Charmed, it's that "the power of three will set us free."
2. They Play Their Own Instruments Emblem3 aren't just about vocals and pelvic thrusts (see below), mmmk? These dudes have legit talent, and they can delicately strum acoustic guitars and play ab-drums like the best of 'em. Plus, who knows what other kinds of instruments they've mastered. Perhaps the conch shell?
3. Pelvic Thrusts, Guys. Pelvic Thrusts Emblem3's collective body is a wonderland, and they are super excited about showing off their goods. At least, we assume that's why Drew spends most of his time on stage pelvic thrusting his little heart out. Sigh, how we'll miss those thrusts.
4. They Write Their Own Music Unlike most contestants on The X Factor, Emblem3 are singer-songwriters who pen their own music. In fact, their audition song, "Sunset Boulevard" is a major hit in the Los Angeles club scene! How can you beat lyrics like "I like my ladies like I like my Bradys... in bunches"? Answer: you can't.
5. They Are Total Cuties Emblem3 already have loyal legions of fan girls, and they didn't even win The X Factor. Why? Because they are beautiful surfer gods amongst men. Tragically, Emblem3 won't be visiting our televisions next week, so thank god for our dreams. Now excuse us, we have a Team Drew shirt to screen print.