5 Reasons We’re Mad That Dan Humphrey Is Gossip Girl
It’s the question we’ve been waiting six whole seasons to figure out, and on Monday’s Gossip GirlSeason 6 finale, the answer was finally revealed. It turns out that Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley) has been Gossip Girl all along. That’s right: the mysterious blogger who has ruled the Upper East Side with “her” signature snark and wit since this show’s very beginning — is none other than Lonely Boy himself.
To be completely honest, we’re a bit disappointed about the way things worked out. There were plenty of other potential Gossip Girls the show could have gone with instead, and we’re not quite sure they made the right choice. Here are our top five reasons why the Dan-as-Gossip-Girl storyline falls a little flat.
1. It’s just too easy. We’ve all heard this story before.
Sorry, GG. We’re not on board with this one. Dan as Gossip Girl is the ultimate high school cliche. The scorned outsider finds the ultimate way of sticking it to his tormentors — by revealing all of their deepest secrets for all to see. Bonus points: He also has found a way to gain both access and acclaim in a world that would pay absolutely no notice of him otherwise. Does it make sense that Dan is Gossip Girl? Absolutely. But it’s just so tidy, the entire thing feels like sort of a cop out.
2. Everything was wrapped up in a nice little bow.
The explanation of Dan as GG was very convenient. Too convenient. Season after season, this show has floored us with its shocking twists and crazy, random plot developments that no one can see coming. Sure, we got a bit of a twist with the initial red herring of Serena (Blake Lively) thinking that Jenny (Taylor Momsen) was the mysterious girl behind the laptop. But that lasted all of ten minutes, and as soon as Dan revealed his identity, all of the pieces fell into place flawlessly.
He was the only one not with the group on the night Diana Payne’s surveillance tape footage was taken. He just so happened to show up after graduation on the night S asked Gossip Girl to meet her. It’s all fits together too well. Where’s the signature GG twist?
3. The Dan Humphrey we thought we knew was a lie. A total lie.
The reason Serena feel in love with Dan in the first place is because of how removed he was from the trappings of Upper East Side life. Dan’s appeal is based in the fact that he’s not jaded and marred by the UES. Yet, by revealing Dan as Gossip Girl, it not only places him in that world, but it makes him the very epitome of all the backstabbing and deception that the UES stands for. So not cool, Humphrey.
4. Sure, S finally chooses Dan — but for none of the reasons we’d hoped.
Dan only decides to reveal his identity as GG after he overhears Serena’s conversation with Blair (Leighton Meester) in the park right before her wedding. B asserts that S could never truly be with someone who was both powerless and an outsider in her world, and Serena quietly agrees. She may have feelings for Dan, but ultimately, S is only going to want a man with power and prestige.
With the reveal that Dan is Gossip Girl, it turns out that he’s actually been one of the most powerful forces in Serena’s life all these years. What’s more, Dan is the reason S became the It Girl that she is today. He made her a legend. Look, we’re thrilled that S chose to be with Dan in the end, but we wanted her to love him for him — not for being the one who made her a celebrity.
5. We just really, really wanted Gossip Girl to be Dorota.
Before the series finale aired, we took a poll to see who fans thought Gossip Girl could be, and 27% of you chose Blair’s trusty housekeeper Dorota (Zuzanna Szadkowski) as your top pick. Frankly, we adore this idea, and we’re a bit heartbroken that GG didn’t choose to go that route in the end. As Blair’s constant companion, Dorota has had unparallelled access to the lives of Blair, Serena, and the entire gang since day one.
We pictured her sitting in that room near the end, drinking her vodka, and then suddenly revealing her identity as Gossip Girl to the entire group... with no hint of that familiar Polish accent. Think about it. Dorota’s accent and position as “the help” makes her the most unassuming and easy-to-overlook suspect for GG ever. Dorota as Gossip Girl would have been the perfect unexpected twist. Dan as Gossip Girl? Meh. Is it too late to ask for a re-write?