The Revenge Awards: 5 Superlatives For Our Favorite Characters
The time has come to raise your glass of Cristal and give some New Years props to our friends on Revenge. These deranged vigilantes got us through 2012 with their fabulous fashion, witty dialogue, and lobster binging, so we've rounded up our list of superlatives for our fav characters!
Think of this as Revenge's very own Academy Awards — only way more important.
1. Best Former Murderer We're going to give this one to Victoria Grayson. We know, we know, Fauxmanda Clarke beat Frank to death outside a strip club and it was all kinds of amazing, but Victoria dropped an even bigger bombshell this season: She shot a perverted boy toy when she was a mere teenager. Sorry, Mandy –– you've been one upped.
2. Best Martial Arts Master Enter Takeda Satoshi, Emily's mysterious mulleted mentor from Japan. We still don't know what Takeda's deal is, but one thing's for sure: He loves himself a spontaneous martial arts session! We'll never forget the time Takeda and Emily spent their morning karate chopping each other on her porch for no apparent reason. Sigh, memories!
3. Best Wearer of Man Jewelry Obviously, there is only one candidate, and his name is Declan "I Huff Hemp" Porter. This seaman is even more addicted to jewelry than we're addicted to caviar –– it's becoming a serious issue. Whether it's a chain necklace, a chunky ring, or a decorative shell bracelet, Declan is always decked out in sea-bling. Also, there was that one time he volunteered his body to become a jewelry mule. Never forget.
4. Best Chloroformer Aiden Mathis, anyone? This British Bloke loves himself some chloroform –– in fact, it seems as though he carries it with him at all times. How else was this handsome devil able to slip into Grayson Manor to chloroform Kara Wallace Clarke? Oh, and by the way –– literally no one noticed his chloroform-y skills. Dude moved in and out of that manor faster than Taylor Swift moves in and out of relationships. (Haylor 4EVA!)
5. Best Baby Daddy It was a toss up between Jack Porter and David Clarke, but naturally, Jack wins this thing hands down. Despite being in love with his baby's godmother and fighting off the Montauk Mafia, Jack manages to be a stand up dad to Baby Carl David and a kinda-good fiancéto Amanda. We'll go ahead and forget that time he broke up with her while she was 9 months pregnant …
What do you think of our Revenge superlatives? Tell us below, and feel free to share your own ideas, too!