Credit: Richard Cartwright/ABC Television Group © 2012 Disney    
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Revenge Season 2 Episode 12, “Collusion,” Recap: Backdoor Deals and Deadly Decisions

Hands up if you have no idea what "collusion" means. It's like, let's just use words we can all get on board with like "Loubie," "mood rings," and "hair flops" (looking at you, Jack), right guys? \

Anyway, turns out a collusion is an agreement that usually involves a fair amount of fraud and lobster killing sprees (we assume), which totally makes sense considering the crazy hijinks that go on in this week's episode. And we're not just talking about the massive hijinx that is Declan's very existence.

Dream of Californication

Ladies, prepare your ovaries. Daniel spends most of this episode frolicking around shirtless on a beach, and it's all so beautiful. In fact, we might have just been immaculately conceptioned by his six-pack. So, why is Daniel unleashing his inner nudist? Because boyfriend is determined to take down Jason Prosser, which naturally involves a trip to Los Angeles!

Thanks to Victoria, Jason knows about Grayson Global's plans to buy Stonehaven United (a disaster relief firm), and he wants to beat Danny Boy at his own game. Luckily, Daniel has a secret weapon: Emily "I Huff Sharpies" Thorne. Daniel whisks Emily away to L.A. to meet with the Stonehaven representative in person, and the trip turns into one giant revengey reunion.

Victoria's in Cali Town to ensure that Jason Prosser gains access to Stonehaven, and OMG guess what? Aiden's there too –– because he's taken to stalking Emily like a creepier version of James Bond crossed with Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction.

Credit: Richard Cartwright/ABC Television Group © 2012 Disney    

For British Eyes Only

Ugh, Aiden. This bloke is completely obsessed with finding his prostitute sister (sigh, been there), and he's ridin' solo with The Initiative's Helen Crowley.

This terrifying lover of leather will only reunite Aiden with his long-lost sister if he agrees to kill Victoria Grayson, and despite the fact that this is a) HORRIFYING OMG NOOOOOO, and b) totally against Emily's revengenda, he says "yes, yes a thousand times yes." Probably because the poor dude is extremely jealous of Emily's fauxmance with Daniel, which makes sense considering that Em's been having poetic sex dreams about Daniel's cleft chin.

Before killing Victoria, Aiden puts himself to good use and convinces Jason Prosser to bow out of his bid for Stonehaven, which means Victoria is all dressed up with nowhere to go. By which we mean she heads to Jason's hotel room and offers to sex up a storm if he agrees to make the deal. Way to keep it classy, lady. Herve Leger is so disappointed in you right now.

So, who gets control of Stonehaven? After countless business meetings over roaring fires, Stonehaven goes with Grayson Global thanks to Emily sleuthing some dirt on Jason Prosser. Congrats, Daniel! Although now Victoria totally hates Emily, and girlfriend has to cover her tracks by telling Daniel about her participation in Vicki's plans. Awkward!

Credit: Richard Cartwright/ABC Television Group © 2012 Disney    


Time to check in on Jack and his ridiculous excuse for a haircut. As we all know, this seaman is being harassed by the Montauk Mafia's Kenny and Nate Ryan, who are currently using The Stowaway as a drug cartel/indie coffee roaster.

The good news? Jack was busted out of jail before being sexually assaulted by a fleet of renegade lobsters. The bad news? Conrad wants Jack to pin the murder of Kenny and Ryan's dad on Matt Duncan — Carl Porter's bestie. Naturally Jack whips his flop back and forth in protest, but Duncan ends up confessing to his sins and Conrad offers Kenny 50k clams (not to be confused with actual clams) to leave Montauk and never return.

Unfortunately, Nate has a hissy fit about his brother selling The Stowaway, so he runs over to Conrad and convinces him to switch sides. Sigh, Conrad. It's like he's the most popular girl at prom.

In other news, Charlotte is completely grossed out by her dad — probably thanks to his madras shorts. In fact, she's so iffy about Conrad that she decides to change her last name to "Clarke" in celebration of her birthday — because being tied to a known terrorist is preferable to being a Grayson.

The Dark Knight Rises

Oh, Nolan. Considering that this lover of popped collars is a professional nerd, you'd think he'd put his Dungeons and Dragons skills to good use and realize that he's sleeping with an imposter. Instead, he gleefully house hunts with Pads before she slips-up and refers to Carrion as a computer program –– which finally tips Nolan off to her evil nature.

So, what is Carrion and why does the Initiative want it? This program has the ability to knock Manhattan off its power grid in less than a millisecond, which seems fitting considering that The Initiative wants Daniel to invest in a disaster relief program ... Dun dun dun!

But back to what's important: Aiden's mission to kill Victoria, otherwise known as the worst mission ever (including Mission Impossible 3). Luckily, Emily realizes that Aiden has gone cray-cray and convinces him to abandon his plan, but then The Initiative kills his sister and he flies into a British tizzy. Sad face, but can we please point out that Victoria wouldn't have actually died if Aiden had shot her? Unless a creepy abandoned lodge in the Catskills counts as hell, which is probably does.

We’ll have to wait until Feb. 10 for a new episode of Revenge, but with all that happened in tonight’s episode, we’ll have plenty to discuss over the next few weeks. Tell us what you think below!

01.21.2013 / 09:08 AM EDT by Mehera Bonner
Related: Revenge, Recaps, Spoilers

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