Bachelor 2013 Promo Analysis: Tierra LiCausi Says She’s “Being Tortured”
Watching the promo for next week's Bachelor Season 17 episode is the best part of our day. Like, we literally just flail around all over our Sean Lowe-shaped body pillow while huffing a bunch of roses. Next week's episode looks even more fantastic (read: deranged) than usual, mostly because Sean forces Selma to scale a cliff. And yes, he probably pushed her off said cliff.
We've analyzed each second of promo content and created a detailed analysis of what’s to come!
0:25 — Sean's Car Makes Super Loud Noises We appreciate your mastery of iMovie sound effects, ABC interns.
0:27 — Sean Snuggles With Selma It's all so cute and innocent until his tongue comes out to mark its territory.
0:29 — Sean and Selma Laugh Gleefully on Plane Hahahaha, planes are hilarious!
0:35 – Sean and Leslie Dance in a Clothing Store Because that isn't weird.
0:37 — Sean Points at a Rock Formation "I stood there shirtless once..."
0:38 — Sean and Selma Climb Up a Cliff Dear god, Chris Harrison, does your cruelty know no bounds?
0:40 — Sean and Selma Look Into Sunset But whatever, it's not as pretty as Sean's abs.
0:44 — Robyn Asks Sean to Taste Her Chocolate Annnnd, everyone is super duper uncomfortable.
0:50-0:59 — Ladies Make Extremely Sad Attempt to Roller Derby Literally, everyone falls over. Like, everyone.
1:00 — Tierra Starts Shrieking Hysterically Probably hurled herself over a staircase again. Can't take this girl anywhere.
1:03 — Tierra Sits in Front of the Roaring Fires of Mordor aka Bachelor Mansion's hearth.
1:09 — Tierra Asks Robyn If She's in High School Pshhh, Sean wishes.
1:10 — Tierra Tells Us How Smart She Is We don't want to bring up that whole staircase thing again, but...
1:17 — Tierra Storms Out, Wanders Into Some Creepy Back Alley Probably where all the homeless ex-bachelors live.
1:22 — Tierra Has Complete Emotional Breakdown Quick, Sean, take off your shirt!
1:27 — Tierra Says She's "Being Tortured" Playing sports counts as torture as far as we're concerned, so yeah. Amen, sister.