Bachelor 2013 Power Rankings: Catherine and Desiree Duke It Out
Sean Lowe has 99 problems and his sister-wives ain't one. This dude is currently in love with six different ladies (ugh, his life is so hard), and our job is to separate the weak from the strong. Otherwise known as the insane from the completely certifiable.
Please join us as we rank the most powerful players from The Bachelor Season 17, Episode 5 and 6, based on their personality, sex appeal, degrees of insanity, and chance of winning this thing!
Name: Catherine Giudici Ranking: 1 Pros: Catherine was literally shoved down a snowy mountain by Sean, and did she run away in fear thanks to his attempt at murder? Nope, she made out with him in an ice castle. And not just any ice castle — an ice castle featuring trapped roses, who were clearly being punished for not blooming on time. A threat if we ever saw one. Cons: Catherine's tragic story about that one time a tree branch killed her friend was slightly heavy for her first date with Sean. And we couldn't help but notice that he literally didn't react. Too busy doing tongue exercises, probs.
Name:Desiree Hartsock Ranking: 2 Pros: Did you see the way Desiree scampered up that tree? If Edward Cullen had been around, he would have totally referred to her as a spider monkey. And then he would have ab-flashed his glittery body at her. But we digress — Desiree and Sean have so much in common, and now that they've made face-love in a totally authentic Native American teepee their spirit animals are basically at one. Cons: Desiree spent her formative years living in a tent, and we're really worried that she owns Birkenstocks.
Name:Lesley Murphy Ranking: 3 Pros: Lesley snatched, like, everyone's weave when she muscled her way into Sean's canoe, and her cunning plan definitely paid off. Not only did this gal get to watch Sean row his boat gently down the stream, she snagged one-on-one time and nabbed the group date rose. Also, we've never seen someone so excited to plunge their tiny body into sub-zero temperatures. Cons: As we just mentioned, we've never seen someone so excited to plunge their tiny body into sub zero temperatures. In other words, we're worried about Lesley's mental stability. Hopefully she won't develop a split personality, turn into other Leslie, and start saying things like "winner winner chicken dinner."
Name:Lindsay Yenter Ranking: 4 Pros: We're still replenishing our bodily fluids thanks to Sean and Lindsay's makeout session this week. They had the best kiss of the entire season — probably because Lindsay took control of the situation and refused to let Sean's tongue flop around in her mouth. It's the strongest muscle in his body, and it will not be tamed. Cons: We're not sure Lindsay and Sean are connecting on a deeper level. Deep, like that one time Sean wore boxer briefs and postured his wedgie to the world. Sure, their tonsil hockey sessions are amazing, but Lindsay has yet to tell Sean a tragic story. What gives, girl?
Name: Tierra LiCausi Ranking: 5 Pros: Everything. Perfect human being. Cons: GTFO with this insulting category.