9. Yet another nickname we doubt Sam will want to keep. Santana[to Sam (Chord Overstreet)]: Listen up, Lipsy McChapstick — this is going to end as soon as Brittany realizes that you are the most boring human being on the planet and that your impressions suck.
7. Who doesn’t have a favorite Rizzoli and Isles lesbian subtext blog? Santana[about Bram dating]: I had just left a comment on my favorite Rizzoli and Isles lesbian subtext blog when I heard the news.
5. Santana preps for a little metaphorical surgery. Santana[about Brittany]: First, I’m gonna cut off the Sam-sized tumor on her heart, and then we can begin the long, slow process of cleaning the stink of your mediocrity off of her.
4. This kind of gives a new meaning to the word “cheerio.” Brittany: Sam and I are going to BreadstiX tonight to pretend to be British.
3. Steroids? Maybe Rachel should chat with Oprah, a la Lance Armstrong. Kurt (Chris Colfer) [to Rachel (Lea Michele)]: Now you’re like an annoying, self-righteous Lima Rachel on steroids.
2. Beam me up, Sue. Sue [about the glee grads]: Don’t any of you have jobs? You have to have some sort of income so you can pay the staff of scientists who service your teleporters that you all clearly own since you’re constantly showing up here.
1. Santana finds Sam to be more effective than Nyquil. Santana: Sam’s most redeeming quality is that he can bore you to sleep, and then you can use his lips as ginormous pillows.