It's time for our weekly dose of insanity — here's what went down on The Real Housewives of Atlanta Season 5, Episode 17 on March 10, 2013. Let's do this!
When we last left our Atlanta ladies, Kenya Moore had just stormed out of their dinner out in Los Angeles after Porsha Stewart went on and on about what a great party she threw for Kordell, to which Kenya wasn't invited, but her ex, Walter, was. And Kenya just didn't want to hear Walter's name anymore. Plus, she despises Porsha and Phaedra Parks.
It's the morning after, and Kenya is talking to her former nemesis-slash-new bestie Cynthia Bailey about the evening's events. She lets us know that her doctor has instructed her to cut the drama out of her life, and that's what she intends to do. Just an idea, if you want to avoid drama, maybe don't go to Las Vegas with two people you "despise." Also, maybe just don’t do shows like Real Housewives of anywhere.
But off to Vegas the ladies went, and by bus, no less. It's gonna be a long ride! Twenty minutes in, Kenya decides that the women should play a game of charades, where everyone draws one of the other women's names and then has one minute to imitate them. Yeah, that won't create any drama.
As it turns out, the bus journey is a relative success, even if traffic did tack on an hour... or four. And yes, maybe Phaedra did suggest risking a rabbit's life to find out if Porsha is pregnant, but it was all in good fun. Considering the last time we put Hotlanta Housewives on a bus, NeNe Leakes ended up strangling Kim Zolciak, this ride was definitely an improvement.
Speaking of NeNe, after a quick first-class flight, she's chilling in her enormous suite waiting for the ladies to arrive. After their eight-hour trek, the women get all hoochied up and set out to the strip club. Except... Porsha decides not to go because Kordell wouldn't like it. Umm, lame! What part of "what happens in Vegas..." and girls' trip does Porsha not understand? Not to mention that it's a gentlemen's club. Anyway, the rest of the ladies go on without her, where Phaedra admires female landscaping, Kenya makes it rain dolla bills, and NeNe reminisces about her own past sliding down stripper poles. The conversation quickly turns to Porsha because, well, duh, she's not there.
The next morning, bright and early, NeNe and the women have a feminist intervention with Porsha in the limo, expressing their concern over the fact that Kordell controls her life. Porsha respects their opinions since they are older — ouch! — but she does wish they'd mind their own business. Smartest thing she's said all season.
Once that's out of the way, they head to the Jubilee Theater, where Hollywood actress NeNe scores some backstage passes to hang out with some real Vegas showgirls. The ladies get to try on awesome hats that are literally made of money, and Kenya puts on her own little strip show, performing an awkward topless dance with a feather boa. Thank network television for those little blackout censor boxes.
Next up is jewelry shopping! As the women drool over diamonds, Kandi finds her dream engagement ring, which is only $7500. What a bargain! She not only snaps a pic of it to send to Todd, but actually gets him on speakerphone to gush about how much she loves it. With all her friends listening in. No pressure or anything.
After a quick clip of Cynthia riding a mechanical bull (thank you, Bravo!), the ladies head to Kandi's suite for a Bedroom Kandi party. Decked out in lingerie and surrounded with chocolate-covered strawberries and other delectable snacks, the women laugh over kegel balls and sexy contests. As a little joke, Kandi had one special item for Porsha to open: a pregnancy test. Shockingly, Porsha preferred to not share that big moment with these crazy women she just met in the past year.
Of course, the joy never lasts long on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Things start going downhill during a “sexiest bite” contest, when Phaedra comments that someone probably likes the way Kenya bit into her strawberry, but Walter did not. Definitely unnecessary. Kenya then takes the opportunity of a question and answer game to put Phaedra on the spot and discuss what's been going on between them. Phaedra claims she was also hurt by Kenya's scantily-clad impersonation of her, but Kenya feels she was hurt worse when Phaedra told people she had a mental illness. "You cut me to the white meat," Kenya spat out through her tears. We're not entirely sure what that means, but it sounds serious.
In the end, Cynthia states the obvious: Maybe they both need to apologize to each other. NeNe states the even more obvious: Ain't gonna happen.
Coming up next week... Kordell finds Porsha's pregnancy test and makes her cry, NeNe hits NYC, and Walter strikes again! Will you be tuning in? Tell us below!