By the way, if you’re currently able to concentrate on anything besides the image of Blaine (Darren Criss) in that thong, then you’re a stronger person than we are.
Deep Breaths! It’s a False Alarm, People!
The episode begins with Schue still having beef with Finn for kissing Emma, so the two decide to have a feud-off. Joining them in singing songs by rival artists are Ryder and Unique, plus Sue (Jane Lynch) and Blaine, as Sue wants Blaine in the Cheerios. Blaine jumping around in tight pants? No arguments here.
We get a slew of big reveals right off the bat in the NYC world, the first being that Brody is in fact a male gigolo, as we see him doing his thang at a hotel that for some reason is only inhabited by cougars. Come to think of it, Cougar Hotel sounds like a reality show that Fox would actually put on the air.
Also revealed is that Rachel (Lea Michele) is NOT preggers, as her positive pregnancy test was just a false alarm. In other words: Finn and Rachel aren’t becoming parents just yet. Sadness. Looks like the hundreds of pink and blue teddy bears that we had embroidered with the words “Mini Finchel” will have to be returned to Babies R Us.
Santana (Naya Rivera) proves that she’s a solid friend of Rachel’s by going with her to the hospital — and by telling Rachel to ditch “Plastic Man.” However, Kurt and Rachel don’t appreciate Santana’s sassitude toward Brody, so they tell her to move out of the apartment. Wow — harsh! We don’t blame Santana for swiping Kurt’s pillow.
We thought things couldn’t get much worse for Ryder, now that Marley clearly prefers Jake. Things are sorta looking up for Ryder when he finally makes nice with Unique after his new online gal pal “Katie” tells him to. The only problem? Ryder is kinda-sorta in love with Katie, and she kinda-sorta doesn’t exist.
Schue still can’t forgive Finn, even after a fab N 'Sync-Backstreet Boys mash-up — and if the power of boy bands can’t revive their friendship, nothing can. Marley saves the day by telling Finn to get his teaching certificate, but we’re surprised Finn needed someone to tell him to do that. What else does he need to be told to do? (“Left foot — good, now right foot. Now left again...”)
Speaking of saving the day, apparently Finn is headed to NYC to find work — but not before he trashes a room at Cougar Hotel. Santana has managed to hire Brody for the evening, and then she leaves Finn and Brody alone to duke it out. Apparently, Santana has more faith in Finn’s fighting skills than we would have.
So what did we think of the fist-flying, Nicki Minaj wig-filled episode? Frankly, we’d give the episode a five-star rating for Sue’s Nicki impression alone. That rendition took us higher than a motherf**ker — which we’re pretty sure is a good thing.
Brody’s storyline is now completely ridiculous, but we love that it’s given Santana a sense of purpose. Santana’s hard-ass personality is amazing when it’s serving the greater good — plus, we love that the storyline provided our favorite line of the night: “Bitch stole my pillow.” And we definitely cannot wait to see Santana dancing on the bar at Coyote Ugly. Best job ever for her.
We’ll admit that Ryder finding out he was being duped by “Katie” was rather predictable — but we’re definitely intrigued by this new mystery of who might be on the other computer. “Katie” showed genuine affection for him, so we’re thinking it might be someone who actually likes him but is afraid to admit.
Our guess as to Katie’s real identity? It could just be one of Kitty’s (many) pranks, but we’re betting Unique has an actual crush on him, given that “Katie” helped Ryder to see Unique’s point of view. Then again, we kinda want “Katie” to be Karofsky — mainly because we want any excuse to get him back on the show.
For our “Favorite Scene of the Night” award, we’re picking Finn teaching Brody that what happens in Cougar Hotel has consequences. (Doesn’t that sound like a perfect tagline for the reality show?) And how could we not squeal when Finn calls Rachel his “future wife”? Too. Much. Awesomeness.
And now we can’t wait for next week, with all those guilty pleasure songs, not to mention the aftermath of the Brody reveal. In the meantime, we’ll try to stop picturing Blaine in that thong — but it’s not going to be easy.