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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Real Housewives of Orange County Recap: Season 8, Episode 13

It’s time for gowns and frowns when the ladies go wedding dress shopping in our Real Housewives of Orange County recap of Season 8, Episode 13. So check if your friend’s stomach is hanging out, pour yourself some champs, and make sure to order your oatmeal plain.

The Ladies Are In a Pickle About a Cheeseburger

The episode begins with Tamra Barney telling fiance Eddie Judge at their still-not-ready CUT gym about Lydia McLaughlin's salsa party. Tamra explains that Heather Dubrow kept an eye on her stomach during the salsa party (weird but sweet!) and that Gretchen won't go on the dress-shopping outing if Alexis Bellino is there (weird and not sweet).

But Heather has better things to focus on these days than people's stomachs, as she has booked a possibly recurring role on the (now-defunct) Reba McEntire sitcom Malibu Country. Terry has made up for his gaffe involving her last sitcom offer by being tickled pink for her this time around. Who says you can't teach a middle-aged man new tricks?

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Tamra picks the ladies up for her dress-shopping trip in a limo, where the ladies hear about Lydia's beef with Slade Smiley about his "cheeseburger" comment. Could Vicki Gunvalson possibly have been more elated to hear Lydia call Slade a 12-year-old girl? We think not! But Vicki's elation seemed to be tempered after Gretchen entered the limo wearing Jeff's engagement ring. Why was Gretchen suddenly wearing this ring? We're still not sure.

Time to Vamp and Drink Champs!

They meet with designer Mark Zunino as Tamra starts trying on fabulous dress after fabulous dress, including one that makes her boobs look fantastic but makes it difficult to, y'know, breathe. (Details, details.) While this is happening, Vicki mentions that she and Brooks Ayers just split up because Briana's refusal to be around Brooks was making things too difficult.

Lauri then takes this not-at-all-opportune moment to inform Vicki that Brooks has been spending time with her daughter's friend. The friend is 21-ish and does things on video that you don't want strangers to see you do on video. That said, Lauri doesn't know if Brooks and the young woman have had sex just that they've had breakfast. Indeed, Lauri mentions the word "breakfast" way too many times. It is the most important meal of the day, right?

Alexis has to leave early, but she and Tamra have a nice moment where Alexis thanks Tam for having her back even when Gretchen threatened to bail on the shopping trip. Then, Tamra finds the perfect dress, and she starts crying. But in case you were wondering, we weren't crying when she tried on that dress. Nope, we weren't crying at all. (Okay, fine, we were bawling like babies. Are you happy now?!)

Speaking of crying, Vicki is tearing up over this news about Brooks, so Lauri tries to half-heartedly console her. Later, at the restaurant, Heather explains to Tamra why Vicki is so upset, and Heather tells Lauri that she shouldn't have told Vicki about Brooks, given that they're now broken up. Well put, Heather.

Credit: Vivian Zink/Bravo © NBC Universal, Inc.    

We'll Stick to Blueberries in Our Oatmeal, Thank You Very Much

Finally, Heather tells the ladies about her role on Malibu Country, and they all congratulate her. Tamra then mentions that Gretchen said she gave up a part on the same show in order to attend the dress-shopping trip, but Heather has learned from someone on the show that this isn't true. Vicki continually calls Gretchen a liar, which Lauri clearly doesn't appreciate. And so the tension keeps brewing, thanks in large part to Lauri's return.

The restaurant also provides a moment of levity as the chef explains that she cooked her server's placenta for her, which the server later ate with oatmeal. In other news, we'll never be able to eat oatmeal again. And let's just hope that, when Lauri talked about Brooks eating breakfast with her daughter's friend, this isn't what they ate.

So what did we think of the episode? We continue to admire the fact that so many of the ladies have patched things up especially Alexis with both Heather and Tamra although we have a feeling it's only a matter of time before things explode between Gretchen and the ladies. And did Gretchen seriously make up that story about getting a role on Malibu Country? If so, what a weird coincidence that Heather was able to call her bluff!

We now can't wait for next week's episode, as the ladies venture to Canada! In the meantime, we could use a snack. Anything but oatmeal.