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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Monkeys, Witches, and Wine: The Top 5 Vacations in Real Housewives History

Sometimes The Real Housewives need to spread their wings and fly, and any country lucky enough to host these Bravolebrities should consider themselves honored. In celebration of summer, we've rounded up the top 5 vacations in Real Housewives history! In other words, welcome to the best part of your day.

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5. The Real Housewives of New York De-Virginize the Virgin Islands
How can we forget the Real Housewives' semi-psychotic adventures in The Virgin Islands? After all, this exciting trip features the moment when we first realized the depths of Kelly Bensimon's cuckoo-ness. In fact, instead of recapping this vacation, we'll leave you with a few choice quotes courtesy of Kells:

"I'll be in my la la land with cartwheels."
"It's like 1979!"
"I'm alone on scary island with no friends."
"There's, like, knives on her tongue."
"You’re not a chef, you're a cook. It's creepy."

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4. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Fail to Take Hawaii
The ladies of Beverly Hills love nothing more than taking a vacation on Bravo’s dime (thanks, Andy!), but Mauricio’s birthday bash in Hawaii didn’t exactly go according to plan. And it’s all thanks to Kim Richards, her slurred words of wisdom, and her inability to show up on time for anything. If Kim wants to be late for your group vacation, deal with it, haters.

Of course, the real kicker on this trip to paradise came when Taylor Armstrong broke the news of her divorce from Russell — which was only slightly more shocking than Brandi Glanville’s NSFL mesh bikini.

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3. The Real Housewives of Orange County Terrify the People of Costa Rica
Remember when The Real Housewives of Orange County went to Costa Rica, lapped up some sun, caused several monkeys to commit suicide, and then made Alexis curl into a fetal position and cry? So do we. They planted trees so they'd never forget.

This fun-filled adventure was top-to-bottom amazing, mostly because Vicki’s love tank went into overdrive, and she spent most of her time tipsy and word-vomiting about the nature of death. Deep thoughts, guys. We'll never forget the way she sobbed while planting that small shrub, nor will we forget how Tamra flashed her boobs at Gretchen.

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2. The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills Trip to the Asylum Aspen
The Real Housewives of Beverley Hills are used to 70-degree weather, so you can imagine their shock and horror when they arrived in Aspen. Lisa Vanderpump was was smart enough to bring a fur muff (what were the rest of you fools thinking?), but nothing could have prepared her for the blizzard that was Taylor Armstrong’s mental breakdown. Poor girl was so out of it that she actually took advice from Kim “Life Guru” Richards. Yep, that’s how bad things were.

The rest of the trip consisted of drunken ramblings, skiing (read: watching everyone fall over), and people saying things like “Bam! I wanna make magic on you.” In other words, perfection.

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1. The Real Housewives of New York Take Morocco
To the people of Morocco: We’re sorry. The Real Housewives came, they saw, they looked disgusted, and they conquered. They also accused innocent randoms of petty theft, complained about excessive dust (stop being so dusty, God, Morocco), and permanently traumatized a fleet of camels. Especially LuAnn. Her camel’s hump will never be the same.

This “trip of a lifetime” to Morocco might just be the best Real Housewife vaycay ever, mostly because Alex McCord dared to interrupt The Countess during her henna session and was called an evil witch as punishment. Turtle time!