Chris Harrison Cheating on The Bachelorette With….
We count on Chris Harrison for so much: We want him to be our father figure, baby, to put our tiny hands in his. He’s the all time best preacher and teacher — anything we have in mind. Plus, he’s so wise, since he seems to have had enough of crime (the crime of broken hearts). Basically, we want him to be the one who loves us until the end of time.
Likewise, The Bachelorette is like the single mother with a penchant for wine coolers we’ve always dreamed of. So, when we heard that Chris was cheating on the ABC show with another, we obviously felt pretty conflicted. What are we talking about? Great question. Basically, for some inexplicable reason (a loose contract clause, we assume), Chris is “guest starring” on the July 11 edition of Wipeout. You know, the wily summer hit that looks like it was directly imported from a Japanese game show cutting room floor or our future Idiocracy.
Chris appears on the episode because it’s the “Ex Games,” with broken up pairs hanging tough as they slam their bodies (actually and metaphorically) into obstacles in an effort to win (or find closure). They’re calling it the “Bachelor Edition” and we suppose that it’s because there is some element of love and people making fools of themselves.
Basically, we’re expecting the episode to be like that Jake Pavelka / Vienna Girardi post-breakup special that we can’t expunge from our brains, no matter how much bleach we apply.
Tune in if you dare at 8pm on ABC for the messy love game that doesn’t air on Monday nights...