Willa steps up her game, going back to tell Pam and Tara not to drink the new, effed-with True Blood while Jason sasses his way through the jail, bitching about Eric (hilariously) as he continues on his quest to free Jessica. (It’s like Zelda, but less video-gamey.) Meanwhile Eric does what he does best — no, not making out with everyone worth making out — but gettin’ himself and Nora outta some hot water, with a little assist from a truck leaving Vamp Camp.
Willa goes to free Pam, who is quietly doing yoga — which is maybe the best thing I have ever seen. Willa tells Pam about the Hep-V tainted True Blood, and Pam goes from bitch-mode to business-mode — telling Willa to pass the word to Tara and Jessica but no one else for fear of alerting the humans as to their newly acquired intel. Willa gets props from Pam for carrying around a severed arm for fingerprint purposes, and this amuses me.
Good lord. Eric thinks Bill is god. I need to sit down. For Eric’s case I hope this is true and that Bill can save Nora — Nora is all “noooo don’t give me Lillith’s blood, that noise is bananas!” Bill, in a fit of decency, is all “It’s her dying wish, we have to honor it, Eric.” This makes me want to cuddle him — but it makes Eric screamy.
At this point, I briefly try to explain to my dad why Sarah Newlin is sobbing in front of a dead body and its decapitated head. He seems confused, this is highly entertaining. Sarah Newlin has just kissed Truman’s dead mouth and it made me heave. Now she is giving a speech. It’s mediocre, but her hair looks great. That said, I am fairly certain this broad has lost her ever-loving mind. She is using members of the government to try and cover up the fact that Truman is dead so that she can continue promoting his mission - Lady MacBeth much?
Now is the time when we get to look at Anna Paquin’s boobs — but it’s cool, because we are looking at her boobs and Warlow’s pec-parts in a magical, post-coitus, fairie-realm. Warlow thinks they are going to get married because they banged — Sookie is all “....”. Then she is distracted from relationship-talk because she hears Arlene crying on Terry’s grave in the non-faerie-realm. She faerie-lights her way to grieving-Arlene’s side. It is more magical than unicorns.
This week Sam continues his longstanding love affair with payphones. He calls Lafayette who is all “Yeah, so, Terry’s dead?” Sam handles this news in much the way I did. Only with more attractive and gender-appropriate stubble. Sam’s headed back to Bon Temps. Presumably, the bon temps will not be rollez-ing. He tries to get Nicole to go home.
Arlene, Sookie, and Holly make their way back to the Bellefleur home. Arlene takes it all out on Lafayette — she calls him queer and that made me all line-faced. Andy and Arlene go to break the news to the girls, and Sookie accompanies Lafayette to go see what all Terry left in the safety deposit box. PLOT THINGS!
Jason is very excited to rescue Jessica. She is less excited to be rescued — you kind of can’t blame her, Jason’s been all over the place. Then he drops some knowledge about how he had been forced to watch her be, you know, near-raped. Jessica is all “BAD THINGS HAPPEN” and my heart breaks into a million piece for classy Jess and simple, simple Jason Stackhouse. She asks Jason to set up a meeting between her and long-haired foxy manpire who refused to rape her. Sexy-longhaired vamp appears and his fangs are caput, but we love him! James-For-President-of-Jessica’s-Front-Bottom! Jessica tells him about the Hep-V in the True Blood! Then she requests that James do her. I sighed and rolled my eyes. Then giggled. Then they made with the sexy times. My dad’s quote: “Faaaair enough.”
As Sam and Nicole make out in the shower, my dad asks with serious consternation “is she going to bite him?” The poor man has no idea which end is up. Then Nicole and Sam have shower-sex. Then Nicole’s mom picks her up from the shower-sex. #goodtimes.
At the bank, Sookie and Lafayette find his life insurance policy - which unfortunately provides proof that Terry had arranged to have himself killed. Sookie and Lafayette are more line-faced than I was when Arlene dropped the q-bomb on Lafayette. They go to talk to Arlene, but she is sh*tcanned-drunk. Sookie finally meets Andy’s daughter Adeline. They fairie-talk. It is pretty cute.
Alcide and his dad are having one of their hilarious heart-to-hearts. But I am distracted by Alcide’s jawline. Alcide’s dad is trying to get Alcide to move in near him. But Alcide is all “don’t wanna,” because he is very much still all about his pack. Papa lone wolf is all “boo pack-life”, which whether he admits it or not is something of which Alcide is very much already aware. Alcide goes home and tells everyone that Nicole and Sam are dead. But baloney is called on him when Nicole and her mom are revealed as the pack’s captive.
Bill and Eric are back in action, y’all! And Eric’s being all subservient to Bill and it grosses me out. “Are they gay?” Asks my dad, earnestly. No dad, they just like to murmur at each other intimately. Bill tells Eric all about his visions, and how if he’s going to help anyone, he needs Warlow’s blood. Eric agrees but only if Bill agrees to help Nora. Bill blood doesn’t seem to be helping, then Eric is all “WARLOW’S BLOOD WILL HELP” because he is delusional.
Then Bill goes and freaks everyone out by talking to Arlene and Andy. Then Bill corners Sookie to get access to Warlow. They exchange some sass, but then Bill is like “DEATH CAMP” and Sookie is like “...yeah maybe I should rethink this stance.”
Back at Vamp Camp, Pam is meeting up with her therapist once again. They chit-chat about the double-meanings of appetite. Pam is being a tease and her shrink is getting all hot and bothered. This scene doesn’t really make a lot of sense. I don’t think her therapist would be this easily swayed into letting her be released into general population.
Sarah Newlin is celebrating Truman’s death by wearing red and having Jason messed with! My dad asks if Jason is a vampire. I have told him twice no. When Jason is thrown into female general population, my dad asks if Jason is being turned into a woman. I literally have no words. Tara is trying to protect Jason and I am getting very nervous.
Other things that make me nervous? Eric weeping as he prays to Godric to save Nora. I can’t even, you guys! Nobody puts Northman in a corner! OH MY GOD NOW IT IS A FLASHBACK AND ERIC IS IN A LONG WIIIIIG! I AM LOSING MY MIND AT THE AWESOME. It is 1665 and we see Eric bringing courageous Nora to Godric for turning! Memories, y’all. Then Eric is hugging some hot red goo and bawling. Now excuse me as I go and join him. Until next week, fangers.
What did you think of “In the Evening,” Truebies? Let us know in the comments!
Catch the next episode of True Blood on Sunday, August 4 at 9 p.m. EST on HBO.