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The Bachelor

Bachelor 2014 Power Rankings: Clare Crawleys Her Way to the Top in Episode 2

Juan Pablo Galavis is two weeks into his romantic journey — a beautiful adventure full of love, sister-friends, sister-enemies, drunken death threats, and way too much wine. Yes, this handsome heartthrob is on a mission to find a wife, which is way harder than it looks. Almost as hard as Juan Pablo's abs when he sees ladies frolicking around with puppies (it's called an abrection, guys, deal with it).

Anyway, Juan Pablo needs our help, so please join us as we rank the most powerful players from this week's episode of The Bachelor Season 18, based on personality, ability to mother Juan Pablo's love children, and chance of winning his final rose!

Name: Kelly Travis

Credit: Todd Wawrychuk/ABC Television Group © 2013 Disney    

Ranking: 5

Pros: Kelly was the lucky recipient of Juan Pablo's group date rose this week, so she definitely could be the next person to see his mini-Juan — which he has no problem displaying to humans, cameras, and dogs alike. Anyway, this poor soul turned on Juan Pablo with her ability to go "full furry" and dress up like a terrier, and we have a feeling he'll keep her around just in case he needs another fix.

Cons: Juan Pablo loved Kelly when she was dressed up as a dog, but will he still be attracted to her now that she's a mere human? That remains to be seen.

Name: Andi Dorfman

Credit: Todd Wawrychuk/ABC Television Group © 2013 Disney    

Ranking: 4

Pros: Andi got a chance to take erotic canine-themed photos with Juan Pablo while his man parts just chilled out au natural next to her thigh. Considering that she could sell a story about the quality of his goods to the media, we have a feeling Juan Pablo will keep her around as an insurance policy.

Cons: Andi doesn't like being naked on camera, and now that Bachelor Mansion has completed its transformation into a nudist colony, we're thinking her lack of inhibition could be a problem. Girlfriend better get used to baring all if she wants to bear the fruit of Juan Pablo's looms, that's all we're saying here.

Name: Kat Hurd

Credit: Fred Hayes/ABC Television Group © 2013 Disney    

Ranking: 3

Pros: Thanks to ABC inexplicably forcing us to watch Juan Pablo and Kat dance to house music in slow motion, we know that a) she likes to move-it move-it, and b) she's genuinely infatuated with Juan Pablo. Plus, this sexy señor gave her a one-on-one rose, so he's clearly interested in putting a baby in her easy-bake oven.

Cons: Kat and Juan Pablo didn't kiss (on camera, at least) on their date and we fear she might be in the friend zone. Our suggestion? She could borrow Kelly's dog costume and take her relationship with Juan Pablo to the next level.

Name: Cassandra Ferguson

Credit: Todd Wawrychuk/ABC Television Group © 2013 Disney    

Ranking: 2

Pros: We know Cassandra didn't get a date with Juan Pablo — in fact, she didn't even get the group date rose — but she won his heart thanks to the fact that she has a kid. We all know how much Juan Pablo loves himself a fertile womb, and he was so impressed by Cassandra's ability to procreate that he gave her the first rose of the evening!

Cons: Uhm, Cassandra is flirting with the idea of going home because APPARENTLY she'd rather spend time with her son than Juan Pablo. Pshhhhh, get your priorities in line, girl. The only thing you should be flirting with is the Latin god in front of you. (Kidding. Chill.)

Name: Clare Crawley

Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group © 2013 Disney    

Ranking: 1

Pros: Clare charmed Juan Pablo's hymen pants off during their winter wonderland one-on-one, and so far it seems like she's one of the only contestants he has a really deep connection with. Even deeper than Juan Pablo's musings. Anyway, Clare is sweet, goofy, has a troubled past full of death (always a turn-on in Bachelor Mansion), plus she clearly wants Juan Pablo to impregnate her ASAP. She's the whole package!

Cons: The only way Clare could be more perfect is if she took some Polyjuice Potion and morphed into Victoria Lima. Harry Potter reference, what what!

Which girl is your favorite from Episode 2? Who do you think is going to take over the number 1 spot next week?