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The Bachelor

Bachelor 18 Hot Mess of The Week in Miami : Clare Crawley — and Nikki Ferrell, by Extension

Remember when Clare Crawley didn't get Juan Pablo Galavis' rose during this week's Bachelor group date, and the camera panned to her face and you realized she was one more rejection away from pulling a Mark Wahlberg circa Fear and prison-tattooing "JUAN PABLO 4EVA" on her stomach? So do we, because the moment is forever etched in our memory. You see, it was this moment that caused Clare to go all Fatal Attraction on her biggest competitor, Nikki Ferrell, cementing her place as Hot Mess of the Week.

Basically, Clare took umbrage (using a big word in honor of our departed homie, Sharleen Joynt) at the fact that Nikki walked out during a conversation in which Clare was throwing passive-aggressive shade at Andi Dorfman. Clare then followed Nikki upstairs, and became very… let's say possessive about Nikki's hotel room when she was asked to leave it. We believe her exact words were "THIS IS NOT YOUR ROOM. YOU DID NOT PAY FOR IT!!!" Uhmmmmkay.

Credit: Bachelor ABC Twitter    

In all fairness, Nikki was also slightly insane in the membrane this week (she called Clare a "dog" and accused her of "peeing" on Juan Pablo) — but Clare's the one who tried picked a fight with Nikki about the complexities of who paid for their hotel room. (Answer: professional pimp / menswear salesman, Chris Harrison) Sigh, both these ladies are so sophisticated and mature — how is Juan Pablo going to possibly choose one of them to be the future step-mom of his Cheeto-loving daughter?!

Look, we know The Bachelor is an emotional time full of self-doubt, fear of venereal disease, and insecurity, but Clare and Nikki need to do each other a solid and get over the hump so they can concentrate on what's important: doing the humpty hump with Juan Pablo next week on Fantasy Suites...