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The Bachelor

5 WTF Moments From The Bachelor’s Season Finale and After the Final Rose!

The Bachelor is over, as is our reason for living. Luckily, we can quench our thirst for Juan Pablo Galavis and his nipples of doom by reliving the most amazing moments of The Bachelor's season finale –– aka WTFs. After all, they're what make this show so wonderful, by which we mean totally insane!

This week's WTF roundup is especially epic thanks to the fact that a) The Bachelor finale was three million light years long, and b) the fact that it included a LIVE “After The Final Rose” special, which means that Juan Pablo was completely unfiltered. We all know how this dude comes off with exhaustive editing, so you can only imagine what he was like live. Ready? Let's dive in!

1. Juan Pablo Makes His Mom Cry on the Regular, Apparently

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Credit: Instagram    

Please form a prayer circle and send some good vibrations over to Juan Pablo's mom, bless her heart. This poor lady delivered what can only be described as a plea for help during her conversations with Nikki Ferrell and Clare Crawley, in which she basically admitted that her son is a kinda-sorta terrible person who occasionally makes her cry. A few highlights from their conversations: "he's hyperactive," "he's sometimes very rude," and — ah, yes, our favorite — "he is very simple."

2. Sharleen Joynt Shades Juan Pablo

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Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group © 2014 Disney    

Remember back on the “Women Tell All” when Sharleen Joynt totally had Juan Pablo's back, despite the fact that most of her fellow contestants loathed him? Times have changed, friends. Now that Sharleen's put down her copy of The New Yorker long enough to actually pay attention to Juan Pablo's behavior on The Bachelor, she's realized that he's kind of a jerk… especially when it comes to his objectifying treatment of Clare. "I found it pretty painful to watch, honestly," Sharleen told Chris Harrison. "Just to watch a girl's intuition ringing and she just ignored it while he was quite patronizing to her, frankly."

Sharleen: 1. Juan Pablo: -1,000,000.

3. Clare Crawley Rips Juan Pablo Apart

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Credit: Rick Rowell / ABC    

We were so proud of Clare for defending herself when Juan Pablo rejected her at Chris Harrison's weird basket-filled altar (we get it, Chris, you love to craft). Not only did Clare chew out her oceanic lover for leading her on, she angrily revealed what he said to her during their HELLicopter ride (note: it rhymes with "I love ducking you"), and then said that he'd be a terrible father to their fleet of unborn children. Juan Pablo deserved every word that came out of Clare's mouth, and we'd like to give a shout out to ABC for not trying to sugarcoat this moment with crafty editing.

4. Juan Pablo Gets Muy Mad at Chris Harrison For “Interrupting” (aka Hosting)

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Credit: Rick Rowell/BC Television Group © 2014 Disney    

We used to think Juan Pablo and Chris Harrison were BFFs who spent their lives braiding each other's hair and knitting each other scarves, but we were so wrong. Juan Pablo was visibly upset with Chris during the “After the Final Rose” special, and not once but twice got on his case for daring to interrupt his lengthy musings. We believe Juan Pablo's exact words were "CAN I TALK? WOO!" Um, how dare you try to do your job and interview Juan Pablo, Chris? It's not like you've been doing this for more than a decade or anything, jeez.

5. Catherine Giudici Calls Out Juan Pablo

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Credit: Instagram    

Chris Harrison rounded up a bunch of ancient dinosaur Bachelor and Bachelorette veterans to sit in on the “After the Final Rose” special, and their facial expressions during Juan Pablo's interview were a collection of shock, horror, sexual arousal (he is Juan Pablo, after all), and dismay. Did you guys see Catherine Giudici? This newly be-banged starlet could barely contain herself, and finally stood up for ABC and told Juanny not to "slap the hand that fed you."

Unfortunately, Juan Pablo had no idea what this meant, but her message was loud and clear to the rest of us. She's judging you, Juan Pablo. Judging you even more than we're judging Sean Lowe's extremely flashy / funky socks.

BONUS: Who Is That Bearded Mountain Man Next to Desiree Hartsock?

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Oh, it's just Chris Siegfried, never mind.