Now that we finally have a premiere date (April 14) and a promo (see here) for Season 9 of The Real Housewives of Orange County, we’re preparing for yet another wacky season with Vicki Gunvalson and the rest of the gang.
We already know that Tamra Barney and Heather Dubrow will be staying, but we needed some fresh faces to take over for Gretchen Rossi, Alexis Bellino, and Lydia McLaughlin. The newbies this year will include Lizzie Rovsek, Shannon Beador, and Danielle Gregorio.
But what’s going to go down this season? Let’s dissect the promo:
1. The ladies will go to Bali. We already knew that we’d be going to East Asia this year, but to see it for ourselves, it’s absolutely beautiful. There’s everything from monkeys to giant elephant genetalia. “Oh my God, that’s the biggest weiner I’ve ever seen,” Tamra yells. Get ready, everyone.
2. Newbie Lizzie is a “sex kitten.” We’ve have to agree with Tamra on her assessment of the 34-year-old swimwear designer — and it sounds like Lizzie is used to people immediately sizing her up. “People definitely judge me before they even meet me,” she says. Even veteran Vicki is stumped, saying she doesn’t know whether to look at “her tits, her lips, or her eyeballs.”
3. A seating chart is everything. Danielle (a friend of the ladies’) is quick to assume that a “brawl” will happen if certain people are placed next to each other. Can’t we all just get along (just kidding). That being said, Vicki assesses that Danielle “definitely has the fun bus going” because she can “have fun and drink.” Those are our priorities too, girl!
4. Shannon is…specific. We can tell this one is going to be feisty because she tells her husband the feng shui is off in the house because there aren’t nine lemons in the bowl. Paging Yolanda Foster!
5. We’re not in Kansas anymore. Nope, we’re in Oklahoma. It looks like Briana Wolfsmith is moving to Tornadoville and needs a bunker just in case a twister comes through the hood.
6. Vicki chokes. Yep, that’s about it. We know that homegirl survives the tragic experience, so we’re not too worried — though we totally get anxious seeing this!
7. Heather vs. Everyone. “You guys tell me you don’t want to hear what I’m saying,” Heather tells Tamra in a crowded restaurant. “You treat us like we’re below you,” Tamra retorts.
The next gal to take a dig at Heather is Shannon, who urges her to “stop talking so condescending.” Heather then complains to Terry (her adorable hubby) that she doesn’t talk down to anyone. Later on, after it looks like everyone speaks out against Heather. Shannon tells Vicki that Mrs. Dubrow gave her the ultimatum to choose sides. Vicki’s eyes tell us everything we need to know. Later on, a dinner party goes South. We can feel the tension rising. In the end, Heather seems like she’s ready to cut everyone out of her life. “I’d rather have one fabulous friend than a dozen pieces of s—t.” Preach, girl!
8. Tamra vs. Vicki…again. While getting out all her feelings over an emotional cocktail, Tamra throws some shade at the OG housewife. “Of course, Vicki, the hypocrite, The one who’s going to bring everyone else into instead of dealing with it herself.” What are you talking about, Tam?
9. Vicki is STILL with Brooks. Vicki, the entire world wants you to break up with Brooks. Why are you still with him? Ugh.
10. Briana STILL doesn’t approve of Brooks. Big surprise there (not). When confronting her mom about constantly seeing her in abusive relationship, Vicki responds explosively. “Brooks has never abused me,” Vicki yells. “I will never be abused.”
11. Shannon + her husband = awkward. While having a romantic (?) dinner in what looks like the wilderness (??), newbie Shannon confronts her husband. “I don’t believe that you love me.” How does her hubby respond? “I can’t live this way anymore.” Yikes.
12. Lizzie’s husband has problems. While in a crowded limo, Lizzie asks her husband Christian, “why don’t you get a boner once a week, f—k you.” Perhaps she should ask Joanna Krupa for the name of her sex therapist? We need to know more about this…
13. Baby problems. We see Tamra nursing what looks to be one of those real-life baby dolls. Then hear from Eddie Judge that he doesn’t “do well with babies.” Tamra then says she didn’t sign on to be a “part-time mom.” What is she talking about?!
14. Things get explosive between Heather and Shannon. This scene looks pretty ugly. Heather tells the newbie to leave what we assume is the Dubrow house. Then we see Shannon confront Terry and Heather (who say they welcomed her into their home), say, “Do not try to spin this on me.” She then storms out and says, “It’s all on the f—king cameras! I’ve f—king had it with her! You guys will all see the truth!” Wow.