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The Bachelorette

Bachelorette 2014 Episode 5 Promo Analysis: Two Fights, One Girl

Andi Dorfman moves fast on the relationship front, though considering her job is to make 25 guys fall head over topsiders for her, we’d say she picked the perfect place to start her Bachelorette travel. No, not Connecticut — we’re talking about France. Marseilles, to be exact, which is the location of June 16’s Episode 5.

The promo packs quite a punch — a few big punches, actually. So, in honor of the meat of Season 10 getting underway after the June 9 breather, we snapped our way through the promo clip ABC put together for us, and bring you a barrage of photos.

What’s going to happen when Andi stamps the passport of some of our favorite fellas from her brood o’ dudes? Check it before they wreck it.

Things start off in Marseilles… This is what it looks like:


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One of them says “Welcome to Marseilles, boys” as if he was the one who brought them to town instead of Chris Harrison and his minions. Foreshadow alert: The next time they get this close again, it won’t be so kumbayarific.

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Andi and a boy ride on a boat. With those beefy legs, we’re guessing it’s Josh Murray, who gets a 1-on-1 date with our girl Dorf.

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On a group date, Andi takes the boys miming (more on that shortly). Looks like JJ O’Brien heeded Chris Harrison’s advice (uh, even though Chris wrote it waaay after this happened), and stole Andi away for a little ride...

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…and makeout session. See Andi? Boys not covered in liver spots and terrifying mustaches really do kiss better. (P.S., don’t think we don’t see your turtleneck, ponytail, and hoop earrings combo. Brave, girl.)

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Gotta admire the piecing together of this lil clip: Andi goes from kissing casual with J-squared to dancing and making out with Josh. Those crazy kids sure do have chemistry.

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And then there’s Brian Osborne, the darling boy next door who hasn’t yet had a lot of chemistry — or time — with Andi. On their 1-on-1, Andi takes him to see a movie about food, then they go shopping for food, and then they eat each other’s faces. Cuuuuute!

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Nom nom nom

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If we could write the date cards for these, this one would say, “I’ve got to hand it to you.”

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When you’re with the right person, every moment is a GIF waiting to happen. For us, that’s Marquel Martin, whose face just does this when cameras hit it. Speaking of hitting it...

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This date card would say, “Be mime, Dylan Petitt.” Someone clearly did us a favor and hid his hair mousse for this episode, and maybe trimmed him up. Because, dayuuum. And this is a perfect date for him: All the brooding looks, none of the tear-making words!

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Patrick Jagodzinski, stop. Boy can wear teal. Also, the best part is that his line goes “I know people are like ‘miming ha ha ha.’ Okay, you try miming.” No editing needed.

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Chris Soules: farmer, millionaire, secret mime enthusiast. While Andrew Poole is in the background asking Marcus Grodd if the stripes make him look fat, Chris is auditioning for the touring mime troupe.

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Marcus: “How do you mime nervousness?”

Marcus, we’re pretty sure that’s how you mime “more cheese, please.” And by pretty sure, we mean it was the first thing we learned.


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There are many reasons to fight on The Bachelorette. Heck, we’d get mad if one of our brosefs stole our wine cooler. But this is the best we’ve heard yet. Nick Viall’s face is his reaction to Cody Sattler getting mad that Nick might be the frontrunner. Nick’s reply “why do you care?” Perfection.

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After asking a question, Cody yells at him to shut his mouth. Logic.

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But the best part by far is Josh Murray, who says “This is intense.” With this face on. Also, we’re pretty sure that his intensity isn’t referring to Cody and Nick’s bro-off, since they’re dressed for a group date after party, and Josh is dressed for a Rose Ceremony (since he wasn’t on the group date).

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So, what is Andi’s real talk doing spliced in here? Well, she’s in her ode to the ‘90s attire group date outfit, so she’s back to talking about Cody and Nick or one of the many other issues in the house. Did she finally find out about Andrew’s phone number-getting exploits? Hmm...

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Marquel’s print mixing is on point with the floral tie and gingham shirt. We can’t wait to see his socks. But hold up: What has him pissed at Andrew? He tells the car-loving smart-talker that he’s deeply offended by what Andrew said to or about him. What was it?

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Um, something super exple-calidocious, apparently, because Andrew tells Marquel it’s “bulls—t” and also that he “doesn’t give a f—k” if Marquel respects him or not. Which is, well, bulls—t if you ask us, cuz Marquel’s approval is literally all we care about.

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Sorry, did we say approval? We meant the love of Prints Charming.

Check out the promo again, now that you’ve seen the scenes through new eyes, then tell us what you think!



Julia Wayne is an Editor at Wetpaint Entertainment. Follow her on Twitter and Google+!