Bachelorette 2014 Episode 7 Hot Mess of the Week: Pickle-Phobe Brian Osborne
Most functioning humans with moderate intelligence are afraid of the following things: zombies, Shia LaBeouf, James Franco's attempts at literature, and a world without pizza. And then there's The Bachelorette Season 10’sBrian Osborne, who suffers from an acute fear of pickles. You know, pickles? Those wrinkled old cucumbers? Apparently they're, like, the scariest ever.
ABC video still
An entire bonus segment of this week's episode was dedicated to Brian's fear of shriveled vegetables, and he most definitely ran around his hotel room screaming while Dylan Petitt — whose hair was in a ponytail the entire time, FYI — chased him. Which means that either the Bachelorette bros just casually had some pickles in their hotel fridge, or Chris Harrison has taken to planting people's worst nightmares in their homes.
Brian's descent into pickle-induced hot messiness was topped off by his reaction to being de-flowered by Andi Dorfman at the end of the episode. This little lamb was so heartbroken and filled with despair that he broke down to a random cameraman (who was just like "UGH, FML"). In the midst of his tears, he heard Andi and her remaining boyfriends laughing up a storm about hometown dates. Unfortunately, this caused Brian to get even more feels, which then turned into blind rage, and he stormed around the castle grounds yelling "That's f—ing great, that's great. HEARING LAUGHS."
Ugh, we know — there's nothing worse than "hearing laughs," little buddy. But know this: You will find love again. In fact, we hear Dylan's ponytail is looking for a committed relationship. Plus, there are so many scarier things than pickles in this cruel world — like Chris Harrison when he isn't high on roses. Or Sean Lowe's six-pack, which has taken on a life of its own. Or this one really terrifying nightmare we suffer from where Andi just says "stahp" on an endless loop.