When we first stumble upon our new voodoo devotee Queenie in the latest episode of American Horror Story: Coven, it looks like she's about to be made into a meal by a less-than-charming gentleman she's met under a bridge. However, being the cunning young witch-priestess that she is, Queenie quickly does away with her enemy, dealing him a fatal blow with a handy nail-filled two by four as Madison and Zoe enter the scene. Perplexed by what they've encountered — a bit hypocritical, considering their own propensities for murder and mayhem — they implore her to rejoin the coven and stop killing strangers.
"Psssssssssssssh," says Queenie, albeit in a more eloquent manner, and warns them that voodoo and witchcraft are like oil and water — both cool on their own, but a really gross drink when combined — and that Marie isn't going to let the coven live in peace.
Back at the house, the girls are being debriefed by Cordelia when the doorbell rings. With the Spalding and Delphine murdered and imprisoned, respectively, Zoe rushes to the door, only to find Misty Day standing outside, begging to come in After Zoe invites in her fellow witch, Misty tells her that she's being pursued by a man in the swamp where she lives and is no longer safe there. Cordelia and Zoe welcome her to stay at the house, only to find that she's brought a resurrected Myrtle Snow with her. Once Myrtle is fixed up with a new wig and a bit of warpaint, the coven starts plotting just how they’re going to dispose of Fiona once and for all — after all, the whole “burning an innocent witch at the stake” game doesn’t play well with these girls. Myrtle announces that Misty is the next Supreme of the coven, but in order for her to take her rightful place, they’ll have to kill Fiona, and do it quickly.
After a conversation with the Axe Man, who’s still dreamy, still undead, and still entirely supportive of whatever evil whim Fiona wants to indulge, cancer-ridden Fiona returns to the house to gather a few belongings, only to find she’s not alone. As she’s packing her suitcase, Fiona spies Madison out of the corner of her eye, continuing to do all of that cutesy 20-something giggly blonde nonsense that made Fiona kill her in the first place. Madison tells Fiona that not only will she be the next Supreme, but the coven is planning to burn Fiona at the stake for slitting her throat. The only solution, short of becoming the centerpiece of her own funeral pyre, Madison surmises, is for Fiona to kill herself. After Madison has twirled her way out of the room, Myrtle appears and tells Fiona that the Axe Man will leave her once the cancer really gets its claws in, so she should probably buy the farm early. Fiona agrees, and, being the histrionic old witch she is, puts on her best Liza Minelli costume, swallows some pills, and prepares for the big sleep.
Sadly, once crossing the plane into the other side, Fiona finds out that it’s harder to get rid of Spalding than it is to wipe out an infestation of bedbugs — he’s back, he’s talking, and he’s got his butler pants on again. He gives Fiona ipecac syrup, explains that Madison and Myrtle have tricked her, and that Misty will be the coven’s next leader.
Meanwhile, at Marie LaVeau’s, Delphine is getting hungry. Offering up the only kindness she can muster in the form of a fast food sandwich, Queenie finds herself on Marie’s bad side. To repay Queenie’s kindness, Delphine spouts racist nonsense to Marie, for which she is rewarded with the hacking off of her hand.
While waiting for the nefarious plot to unfold, Nan asks if the girls think she could ever be Supreme. They’re all, “Ehh, not really,” causing her to run from the house, back into the only safety she knows: the muscular arms of her cake-loving neighbor. However, back at his house, he’s been given an Ajax colonic and tied up by Mommie Dearest, so Nan must come to his rescue before he can come to hers. In the case of the saddest sad that ever sadded, evil Mom finds the two running from the house together, calls the cops, and then, out of nowhere, both mom and muscleboy get shot, leaving the mother dead.
At the crime scene, Fiona and Misty meet for the first time, and Fiona instructs the young witch to resurrect Mommie Meanest, for no real reason. Cordelia, using her newfound powers of clairvoyance-while-making-weird-faces, determines that the shooting was not a robbery gone wrong, as the police claim, but was instead a hit on the coven. Back at the house, Zoe tries to usher Kyle away to safety, and, after a whole afternoon getting hooked on phonics, he finally has the vocabulary to explain that he loves her, as a weeping, and for some reason, drenched, Madison eavesdrops from the hall.
After Fiona and Cordelia have thoroughly addressed the possibility of the shooting being the work of witch hunters and have gotten in some much-needed post-attempted murder mother-daughter bonding time, they have another knock at the door, and find a package on their front step. What could it be? Rubies? Diamonds? Soaps in the shape of French poodles? Fiona opens the box, and, much to her dismay, finds it is none of those things. It’s Delphine’s racist head, and it wants help.
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