So tonight the Top 4 becomes a Top 3. Three of our contestants will go back to their hometowns to be adored and congratulated and have parades in their honor, but one unlucky singer will simply... go home. Who will it be? Let’s find out!

Other things happening tonight include performances from Idol’s own David Cook, as well as Ms. Jennifer Lopez herself. Also, Ryan Seacrest announces that everyone in the audience tonight — the studio audience, that is, not us on our couches — will be getting a ticket to an Idol tour stop. The audience is REALLY EXCITED!

The Top 4 kick off the evening with a group performance of “California Dreamin’,” which was, as you might recall, the first of last night’s themes. There’s some really awkward choreography in which Joshua Ledet ducks beneath Hollie Cavanagh and Jessica Sanchez's linked hands and Phillip Phillips does his usual sexy-hunchy moves as they travel along a fan-flanked red carpet on the stage. None of the gang seem particularly into this performance — they just want to know who’s getting kicked off tonight. And so do we!

In order to fill time, we get a behind-the-scenes of this week’s Ford commercial. It’s not particularly interesting, and Phillip’s absent for some reason. Moving on!

First to get results is Phillip. Jimmy Iovine says: Phillip’s starting to really come into his own as a musician, and if he’d seen Phillip’s performance of “Volcano” last night in a club, he would’ve signed him immediately. Ryan strings him (and us) along for one hundred years before sending Phillip back to the couches to wait a little longer. This is more or less proof that he’s safe, though — Ryan almost never messes around like that with the person who’s going home.

Hollie’s up next. Jimmy says: Hollie’s over-the-top tendencies kind of worked for her on “Faithfully,” but that she didn’t understand the point of “I Can’t Make You Love Me” at all. Since we already know that nobody’s getting results yet, Ryan doesn’t waste any time sending Hollie back to sit on the couch with the other contestants.

David Cook! The first (and our fave) in a long line of cute guitar-playing guys who’ve won Idol. His hair looks weird (he’s got an odd fauxhawk thing happening), but he sounds as great as ever.

After the commercial, Joshua’s in the hot seat. Jimmy says: “You Raise Me up” was a schmaltzy choice (we’re paraphrasing), but his second song was “a piece of magic.” We also learn that Joshua found it hot last night when Jen spoke Spanish to him. Caliente! No results yet, of course, so Joshua goes back to the couches to await his fate.

Jessica’s last to hear her results. We predict that Ryan will fake her out and announce that she’s in the Top 3. Jimmy says: Jessica’s first song was the same old thing for her, but her performance of “And I Am Telling You” was flawless. And hey, we were wrong — it’s back the couches for Jessica. They have a little more time to fill, apparently!

Time for Jennifer Lopez, y’all! Her performance includes lasers and fog and a bunch of shirtless male backup dancers. Her concerts are probably ridiculously fun, there’s basically a massive party on stage. We’d like to attend this party. There’s confetti at the end, too. Awesome.

The Top 4 are all gathered at the front of the stage, and Ryan encourages the judges to say something nice about each of them. Steven compliments Phillip’s evolution as an artist along with his continuing tendency to be laid-back to the point of ridiculousness. Jen talks about Hollie’s incredible journey. Randy thinks Joshua is ready for anything. Nobody has much to say about Jessica, oops.

Okay, here we go. The first person in the Top 3 is... Jessica. No surprise there. Hot on her heels is Joshua, also unsurprising. That leaves Hollie and Phillip, which means Hollie is almost certainly toast, but we have to wait through one more commercial break before we can find out.

When we come back, Ryan talks about how we’ve had shocking eliminations in the fourth place position several times, trying to get us to think it’ll be Phillip (and for a split-second, we think it might be), and then... Hollie’s eliminated. Which is the right result, we think, but we still feel bad for her. She chooses “The Climb” for her singout, which is both really appropriate and super sad. Joshua cries, and so does Jessica, but Hollie doesn’t. She gets a standing ovation from the judges when she finishes... and now we’re down to three.