Week two of American Idol Season 11 kicks off in Aspen, Colorado tonight. The scenery is gorgeous, but what about the voices? Let’s see what our fourth audition city has to offer, shall we?
Jenni Schick, 24: Jenni is an “overly energetic” blond music teacher from Virginia who has Steven Tyler on her expempt list, so she’s allowed to kiss him despite having a boyfriend. Her cover of “Heartbreaker” isn’t super impressive or anything, but it’s not bad, and she’s cute and perky, so she’s totally getting through. Yup! It earns her three yes votes from the judges and a kiss from Steven, so all in all, not a bad start to the night.
Curtis Gray, 28: Curtis takes on “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday” by Boyz II Men. It’s good. He’s cute in a shaggy kind of way. There’s... not much else to say, really? The judges pass him right through. That was a short segment.
Quickies: A wannabe Scotty McCreery, a lounge singer guy with a pretty voice and a shaved head, some dude getting REALLY into “Hey Jude.”
Tealana Hedgespeth, 19: Tealana has thick black hipster glasses and a septum piercing. She also has a twin sister whose shadow she’s been living in her whole life. When she begins singing, it becomes clear why — it’s bad. Really bad. We love her and the judges love her, but everyone hates her singing. A chorus of no votes, and that’s it for Tealana.
Haley Smith, 18: Haley lives in a cabin in the woods and looks kind of like Anna Paquin and giggles a lot. She sings “Tell Me Something Good,” and she has a great jazzy tone, and she’s a total little hippie chick and yes, this is something good! The judges give her three very enthusiastic yes votes, and Haley’s off to Hollywood.
Alanna Snare, 22: Alanna’s a waitress who works in a restaurant that specializes in Rocky Mountain Oysters, which are bull testicles. Which tells you all you need to know about her audition, really. She sings “Jolene” badly, and the judges send her back to her, ahem, “oysters.”
Shelby Tweten, 17: Shelby has a hardcore Minnesota accent. She’s also bipolar, and uses music to help her overcome some of her episodes. She has a sweet, very natural voice, and if she makes it to the finals, the Idol stylists will have a field day with her. Three yes votes for Shelby!
Jairon Jackson, 19: Jairon sings an original song called “So Hard.” The song itself is a little bit bland, but he has a great R&B voice, sort of a Ne-Yo type. He gets three yes votes, and aren’t the judges supposed to disagree with each other at some point? Let’s get some war up in the audition room!
Angie Zeiderman, 25: Angie calls herself a “vintage glitter queen” and is a Lady Gaga enthusiast. Her audition is kind of insane — she sings a song from The Producers and rolls around on the floor in her tiny dress and Randy’s sort of over her already until she sings the stuffing out of “Blue Bayou.” Randy shouts “I love her,” and we’re feeling you, Dawg. Three yes votes and we’re up one vintage glitter queen!
Magic Cyclops: Why is this a thing? “Magic” claims to be from Iowa and has a fake British accent and looks sort of like Axl Rose. This isn’t even funny! The judges all eventually get up and leave. Why couldn’t this segment go to someone who can sing? We are not amused, Idol.
And, well, that’s the show. Tomorrow night, we’ll be in Galveston, Texas, where we hear everything is bigger. Hopefully, that includes the talent!
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