Last night, the Top 13 sang the songs of Stevie and Whitney, and we watched and snarked and applauded and voted. Tonight, somebody’s going home, and it’s up to the judges to make the decision. Who will it be? Let’s find out!
Yay, our first group performance of the season! Every bit as cheesy as we hoped it would be. Weirdly, we can barely understand a word anyone sings. Did they all forget the lyrics? Also, we just noticed that Skylar Laine looks kind of like Rachel Dratch.
Ford music video set to “Big Time,” with all the Idols walking around L.A. as giants. It’s... pretty weird, y’all.
Time for some results! Jessica Sanchez, Hollie Cavanagh, and Elise Testone are the first people up. Well, Jessica is obviously safe. Yep! And so is Hollie, which means Elise is in the bottom three ladies. Not unexpected.
Dude time! Heejun Han, Jermaine Jones, and Colton Dixon are next to get their results. Ryan Seacrest totally trolls Colton by saying “America did not like what they saw... they loved it.” Also safe is Heejun, which means our Gentle Giant is in the bottom three dudes.
After the break, we’re treated to a performance by last year’s runner-up, Lauren Alaina. She’s significantly blonder and thinner than she was the last time we saw her, and she sings a song about Georgia peaches. If Lauren is to be believed — and we have no reason to doubt her — there ain’t nothin’ sweeter.
More results! Erika Van Pelt, Shannon Magrane, and Skylar Laine. Hmm. Two of them have to be in the bottom, although Shannon was the only one who did badly. Erika is the first one down — boo! Joining her (and Elise) in the bottom three ladies is Shannon, which means Sklyar is safe. Fair enough. It’s dumb having a bottom three when you’ve only got six people, though, let’s be real.
On to the last of the boys! Phillip Phillips, Joshua Ledet, Jeremy Rosado, and DeAndre Brackensick are called down to center stage. Can someone get Phillip some better clothes? He’s too cute to be dressed so boring all the time. Anyway! Phillip and Joshua have to be safe, right? Right?
Wrong! Phil is safe, but Jeremy and Joshua are the ones in the Bottom Three Dudes. Say it ain’t so, America!
Luckily, Joshua only has to be on the Stools of Shame for one hot second, because Ryan sends him along with our girl Erika — back to the Couch of Safety with a quickness. Excellent! Now tell us Elise is safe and we’ll be good to go. But no! A commercial break. Sigh.
Mary J. Blige performance! She’s fabulous. Can we vote for her? Not much to recap here, really, just her being fierce and sounding like a million freakin’ bucks.
After the break, it’s time to get down to the unpleasant business of sending somebody home. We’ve got Jermaine, Jeremy, Shannon, and Elise still sweating it out. Steven Tyler pretty bluntly says that Jeremy deserves to go home. Ouch.
Jermaine’s first to get his results — he’s safe! Which means Jeremy really could be going home. Meanwhile, Shannon’s safe for the girls (undeserved, honestly), leaving Elise in the danger zone. Come on, judges, don’t let us down!
One more commercial break, and the person leaving tonight is... Jeremy! Whew. Poor Jeremy, though — America never voted for him. Well, presumably at least some people did, but never enough to keep him around. Wait, he doesn’t get to sing? Shouldn’t he be singing? Apparently not.
So what do you think? Were you okay with the bottom two? Do you think the judges made the right choice?