“A lot of fans are going to be disappointed with tonight’s result,” Ryan told us at the beginning of tonight’s episode. By the end of the show he was proven right, as our Growly Bear put a spell on us for the last time. But there was an hour to get through before that total bummer of a result, and here’s how it went down.
Judge fashion check! Randy in a button down shirt with a red... geometric shape of some sort, Jennifer in a red sheath, and Steven in a white shirt, black vest, and rather fabulous black floppy hat.
After a segment in which the Top 6 visited the British consulate for Brit Week (they ate fish and chips, Casey offered to let Fred Willard push him in the swimming pool), we were treated to a delightful Carole King medley. And by “delightful” we totally mean in the way that James and Jacob’s duet last night was delightful — it was cheesy and goofy and hilarious. If you missed it, watch the video ASAP and get your LOLZ on, K? BRB. LMAO. No, but really, check it out.
Next came the weekly Ford music video, followed by last season’s Idol runner-up, Crystal Bowersox, performing her single “Ridin’ With the Radio.” It seems like there could’ve been a tie-in with Ford there. Come on, Idol, we expect better synergy! Anyway, Crystal’s gotten her teeth fixed since she was on the show, and she looked fantastic. The song was also pretty terrific, a nice folk-rock-country hybrid that had us bopping along.
Next came a segment in which the contestants answered questions from fans. Casey’s dream duet partner is late Canadian jazz musician Oscar Peterson (of course it is — oh, Casey, this is how you went out in sixth place despite being awesome). Jacob discovered his vocal range when 6 or 7 and sang soprano, alto, and tenor parts in church. Lauren was apparently the only person who watches the news and has heard about the tornado devastation in the South. Scotty used to work at a grocery store. James has been in several bands. Haley is a big Adam Lambert fan. Informative segment!
Tonight, Ryan called the contestants out individually in random order, starting with Haley. For each contestant, we got a recap of the previous night’s performance, and Jimmy Iovine gave us his thoughts. His comment about Haley: “As an artist, Haley’s problem is she doesn’t really know who she is yet. My prediction is the audience is getting wind of that, and if she goes home tonight, it’ll be because of that.” We’re not sure what Haley’s response was, because she got bleeped, and Ryan had to remind her to watch her language. Ha! Despite that, Haley was safe.
Next to center stage was “Scotty the Body” as Ryan has suddenly started calling him, which — no, stop it, Seacrest. Scotty was obviously going to be safe, but we still had to get his recap and get Jimmy’s opinion, which was: “My prediction for Scotty tonight is, he has a subtlety that’s magnificent, but I’m always worried that subtleties, in this particular environment, can get lost, and that’s where Scotty’s in jeopardy.” What? Scotty was never in jeopardy. Hush, Jimmy. Scotty had to wait for his results, though, while we heard about the other contestants.
Next up was Lauren and her big curly hair and her cutesy polka dot dress. “My prediction for this week is that Lauren’s here for the long run,” Jimmy said. Lauren is also left to hold on and wait for some results, because that girl isn’t generally nervous enough.
The Durbz followed... and we actually got some results! “If James picks the right songs, there is no doubt in my mind that he could win this thing,” Jimmy said, and James is, of course, safe. We’ve been predicting Scotty for weeks, but James is totally winning this thing, isn’t he? Unless Scotty’s so far out in front that the producers are just trying to make us think James could win. Hmm.
Next up was Casey. His performance from last night is still awesome in recap form, by the way. “My prediction for tonight is that Casey’s safe,” Jimmy said, proving that he obviously has no idea what’s going on. (Neither did we, though, so we’ll forgive his ignorance this time.)
Jacob was the last one called to center stage. We’ve been more-or-less expecting his boot for weeks, and we weren’t the only ones. “My prediction for tonight is Jacob could still possibly go home. He’s on banana peel status,” Jimmy said.
Ryan then called Casey, Lauren, and Scotty back out to center stage before announcing that Lauren was safe. Casey, Jacob and Scotty were left to wait until after Bruno Mars performed “The Lazy Song,” which contained actual lyrics about putting his hand in his pants and chilling in his Snuggie. Also, the word “sex” was censored.
Finally, back to results, and Jacob was announced safe, removing any small measure of suspense from the proceedings, as we sadly waved goodbye to our Ginger Bear. His clip package was really charming, showing Casey in varying degrees of shagginess.
Casey then proceeded to give possibly the best Idol singout ever, reprising “I Put A Spell on You” and kissing everyone who stayed still long enough, including Steven Tyler and about 10 random members of the audience. To our chagrin, the one person he didn’t kiss was Haley, to whom he sang the last line of the song and who is so clearly his girlfriend. Cute. And sad... for everyone. Weird as he is, Casey has made this season a lot of fun, and it’s a real bummer to see him go.
As usual, Ryan Seacrest said it best: “This is what talent looks like, ladies and gentlemen — Casey Abrams, we will miss you.”
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