Last night’s musical selections may have been current, but an hour from now, one of the Top 7 will be ancient history. Unless the judges use the save, anyway, which could certainly happen at this stage of the competition, especially considering the rumors of a “shocking” vote. But will it happen? Let’s find out!

First things first: It’s important for you to know that Randy Jackson has a rhinestone smiley face pin on his lapel. Okay, you’ve been informed.

The Top 7 kicks off the show with a performance of “Raise Your Glass” which as usual makes us long for the Glee version —  is it just us or is Glee the worst thing that ever happened to Idol? On the other hand, there’s a shot of Colton Dixon with his head in Phillip Phillips’ lap as Phillip strokes his hair (no, you read that right) which has no doubt sent lots of fangirls and fanboys into a hysterical tizzy of trying to find gifs of it on Tumblr. (Not us, though, no way. Ahem.)

After the Ford commercial, Ryan reads off some celebrity Tweets congratulating the Idols on last night’s performances, and we get to hear about some of the fanmail the contestants have gotten. Colton scored an invite to prom with a girl in Kansas that comes with, like, an entire booklet to convince him — his response is a “strong maybe.” Some cute boy named Tate wants to take Hollie Cavanagh to his Spring Formal, to which she gives no response, but we say: Get it, girl! Meanwhile, Elise Testone got a gift of feather earrings that were accompanied by a feather hair extension for Steven Tyler, which she passes on to him. Fun for everyone!

Time to get on some results. Ryan Seacrest calls Jessica Sanchez and Hollie up first. Oh, it’s Top 7! They’re going to do two groups of three and then make somebody pick which group is safe! This is always the best/worst! Jimmy Iovine says: Hollie and Jessica are a case of two good technical singers, but Hollie has a lot of bad habits. They’re sent to opposite sides of the stage, which means one of them is safe and one of them is not, and there’s not much question which is which, but there’s a lot of show left, so we’ll just wait to make our pronouncements!

James Durbin is here to sing “Higher Than Heaven.” He’s a lot blonder than he was last season, like, bleached-blond, and he sounds pretty good, but the whole effect is very 1998 alt-rock. He has a chat with Ryan after the performance and talks about his tour which starts tonight, and his recent wedding — Stefano Langone (remember him?) was his best man. Aw, that’s nice.

Phillip and Elise are next up to get their results. Jimmy says: Elise and Phillip are two singer-songwriters who are suffering because they have to sing covers, and he thinks they might both in the Bottom 3. Apparently not, though, because Phillip is sent to join Hollie, while Elise goes to join Jessica. On the other hand, Idol’s not above letting people sweat it out in a “bad” group all night and then swapping them over at the last minute, so who knows what could happen?

Grammy- and Oscar-winning Idol alum Jennifer Hudson in the house! Wow, she looks hot. She brought Ne-Yo with her, who also looks hot. They’re hot, the performance is hot, everything is hot, basically.

Colton and Joshua Ledet, come on down — it’s your turn to get some results! Jimmy says: Joshua and Colton both did well with the songs they chose, which were the right choices for them this week. Joshua’s sent to stand with Jessica and Elise, while Colton joins Phillip and Hollie. Oh, crap — Joshua, Jessica, and Elise are the Bottom 3, aren’t they?! No way did Phillip and Colton both hit the bottom.

Skylar’s last up to hear what Jimmy thinks about her, which is that she’s both a singer-songwriter AND a technical singer and she should be safe this week. Jimmy’s picks for the Bottom 3 are Phillip, Elise, and Hollie.

Skylar’s safe, and now she’s supposed to pick a group. She shouts “no!” about four times and runs to go sit on the couches, but Ryan retrieves her and has her join Colton, Phillip, and Hollie, which means that yup, we called it — Jessica, Elise, and Joshua are in the Bottom 3. Wow. The judges are aghast. Randy says he’s never seen a Bottom 3 this wrong in 11 seasons (not even the Latoya London, Jennifer Hudson, Fantasia Bottom 3 in Season 3, Randy? Hmmm, Dawg?). “We’re gonna use our card tonight,” Steven says, which kind of kills the suspense, but okay.

After a break, we learn that Joshua is safe, which leaves us with Elise and Jessica, and the person with the lowest votes is... Jessica! The whole studio is freaking out, wow. She starts to sing for her life and the judges run up and take her mic away, telling her to go sit down, of course they’re saving her. Jessica looks thoroughly freaked out, aw. To be fair, she did pick a really obscure, kind of boring song last night, but still, no way did she deserve to almost be eliminated. 

They have Jessica sing again to close the show and remind us how good she is, and that’s it for this week. So our Top 7 remains intact, until next Thursday when we do this all over again. Yay!

So were you shocked with this week’s results or what? Let us know! 

(Also, let us know if you found a gif of Phillip petting Colton’s hair yet, okay? We need it for important scientific reasons.)

 

Need your daily dose of American Idol? Like us on our Facebook page at facebook.com/AmericanIdolFansite, or follow us on Twitter at twitter.com/IdolWetpaint!