America’s Next Top Model is back for Cycle 17: All-Stars, but this time ‘round there’s a twist! These fan favorites modelstants have already walked the walk and talked the talk –– but do they have the “celebrity factor”?
In the first live elimination challenge in Top Model history, the All-Stars embodied exaggerated versions of their personalities and met celebrity judge and lover of wigs, Nicki Minaj. Oh, and as Tyra is sure to remind us about a thousand times: The winner of ANTM will receive a national campaign with Express, a feature in Vogue Italia, a Beauty in Vogue cover and spread, a $100,000 contract with Cover Girl and a chance to work as a correspondent on Extra.
In lieu of a traditional recap, we’ll be ranking the girls (and judges — we see you!) based on their charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent (oh wait, that’s another show). Check out our ANTM Power Play below, starting with the Top Model loser.
Ranking: 18, Brittany
Brittany was known as the party girl during her cycle, but she failed to impress the judges when she screamed “It’s Brittany, bitch!” to the crowd. Personally, we appreciate any and all references to Britney Spears, but looks like we’re alone on this one. In fact, no one seems to have any idea who ANTM’s Brittany is, so the judges send her home. Awkward....
Ranking: 17, Alexandria
Called: Bottom Two
Alexandria might claim she has “natural swag,” but that didn’t stop everyone from hating on her. When this girl entered the runway, the crowd immediately started to boo with some fans shouting expletives at her! To make matters worse, Nicki and the rest of the judges weren’t impressed by Alexandria’s weird photo, which landed her booty-shorts in the bottom two!
Ranking: 16, Sheena
Sheena showed up to the runway critique in a bold see-through jumpsuit that had Andre Leon Talley practically peeing his pants in excitement. He was seriously ready to hand her the All-Star title based on that outfit alone. Unfortunately, Nicki hated Sheena’s picture, but we’re Team Andre on this one.
Ranking: 15, Lisa
Since we last saw her, Lisa has recorded an album (under the stage name “La Puchinetta”) grown herself some extensions, and purchased a terrifying wardrobe of circus attire and top hats. Despite all that, she wowed the judges with her portrayal of a “wild child” –– though as Nigel so eloquently put it, she was “showing a lot more than love.”
Ranking: 14, Shannon
Good girl Shannon refused to wear a pair of lace shorts during her shoot because they “looked like panties,” so she opted for a string bikini instead. After Jay pointed out how this made zero sense, Shannon ended up delicately sobbing by a pool, but luckily she pulled it together for the judges. Too bad she got mediocre reviews.
Ranking: 13, Bianca
Bianca is more beautiful than ever this season! Too bad her personality doesn’t match those stunning looks. Bianca was less than thrilled about getting fiery red hair extensions for the photo shoot, and basically sat in her chair moping the entire time. Photographer, Celeste Canino, thought Bianca was an amateur, but the judges disagreed and said she was “vintage.” So, basically they called her old. Great.
Ranking: 12, Bre
Bre didn’t tell her bestie, Bianca, about being on All-Stars, and now they’re in a huge fight. Is this friendship about to turn into a frenemy-ship? Oh well, Bre did fine during her photo shoot this week –– even though Nicki Minaj was majorly missing Bre’s longer hair.
Ranking: 11, Dominique
Dominique is known as ANTM’s resident faux-tranny, so she was asked to pose as “masculine/feminine” during the photo-shoot. (Don’t get us started on how weird that “character” was!) The judges loved her manly jaw line, and Nicki raved, “This picture would be sexy to a man and to a woman.” Uhm, thanks? By the way, Dominique had a baby two months ago and looks amazing!
Ranking: 10, Laura
This girl might be a country bumpkin, but when it comes to modeling, she’s no newbie. Laura got major props for her hillbilly-inspired photo shoot (ALT called it “Hee-Haw” meets haute couture), and Nicki Minaj loved the home-made outfit she wore on the runway. We’re pretty sure Laura’s here to stay –– especially since Tyra said “I want to hug her.”
Ranking: 9, Nicki Minaj
Not only did Nicki look amazing during judging, she knew a surprising amount about the ins-and-outs of modeling — or at least, the ANTM brand of modeling. In fact, she had more intelligent things to say than Queen Ty herself!
Ranking: 8, Kayla
Of course the photographers made Kayla dress up in a giant gay pride flag, but home girl owned it loud and proud. Too bad the only thing Nicki liked about Kayla’s picture was the dress. Duh –– it was rainbow colored like all Nicki’s clothes!
Ranking: 7, Angelea
716 is back and more fab than ever! The fans love her, the crowd loves her –– even the other models love her (for now)! Angelea did a great job with her ghetto fabulous photo shoot, and Andre paid her the ultimate compliment by saying she was “projecting Beverley Hood.” That’s a good thing, right?
Ranking: 6, Camille
Everyone in the Top Model mansion is terrified of Camille because of her diva reputation, but girlfriend couldn’t care less. She looked fierce during her photo shoot, strutted her signature walk down the runway and received oodles of compliments about her long legs. Haters gonna hate!
Ranking: 5, Andre Leon Talley
Andre spent most of this episode living inside one of his signature oversized black capes. He appeared every now and then to tell someone they were fabulous or fugly, and then he went back to looking like Count Dracula in a Victorian child’s straw boating hat.
Ranking: 4, Tyra Banks
Tyra started off this episode in a tripped-out dream sequence wherein she was haunted by the girls of top model past (all played by her) and then woke up in bed screaming. Oh, and then she did a “booty tooch” (so many questions) with none other than...Keenan Cahill? Basically, it was the best five minutes of the show and had us WTFing for almost an hour.
Ranking: 3, Allison
Alison did a killer job working the “baby doll” look this week, and ALT couldn’t get enough of her Little Bo Peep outfit on the runway. It’s unanimous: Allison’s the bees knees! Oh, and she’s an even bigger artsy hipster than we remember. We could practically see her eye-roll when Nicki Minaj was announced as the judge, after all –– St. Vincent is way more qualified.
Ranking: 2, Nigel Barker
OMG, Nigel grew his hair! The upside? He’s even more handsome than ever! The downside? We can no longer see our reflexion in his scalp.
Ranking: 1, Isis
The post-op modelstant scored herself best picture of the week! It’s no surprise –– the crowd loves her, she’s got an amazing body, and we’re pretty sure we saw Jay Manual put both his hands on her hips flirtatiously before the camera cut away. Oh, and lest we forget, Isis’ perfected model stomp nearly overloaded the fierceness alarms in Andre Leon Talley’s jauntily-hatted head. Will Isis keep up the winning streak next week?