There she is! Our favorite gap-toothed America's Next Top Model smizer is back. Leila Goldkuhl, whose TV journey was so rudely interrupted on Cycle 19, Episode 5, returned on Episode 9: "The Girls Go To Jamaica."
Yeah, it was an episode after we were expecting her — and she was revealed as the comeback winner at the start of the night, so it felt kind of anticlimactic to immediately move on — but whatever. She’s back! And the hate against her was immediately back too, mostly from Team B*tch Barbie.
Unfortunately, karma is not a Jamaican dancing river guide, so it did not come to claim Kristin Kagay. (We’re with Johnny Wujek; how is she still here?) Instead, our season-long obsession, Victoria Henley, now has to go home, hug her mom, eat some country cooking, and continue to be quirky, bizarre, a little too intense, and just awesome in general. Maybe she can invent a really cool backstory about her character on ANTM, instead of just going with the reality that she slowly went off the deep end.
WHO IS COMING BACK?
First of all, why did all the girls scream and cry when their “international destination” was revealed to be Jamaica? Is Jamaica really that exotic? Kristin is under the impression that it’s California times a million. OK. Tyra Banks did a process of elimination reveal to finally get to Allyssa Vuelma vs. Leila for the comeback win. IT WAS LEILA! Yes. Our girl won by less than half a point. Laura James was completely shocked. She didn’t want Leila to come back ‘cause she’s threatened. She should be! Leila vs. Laura finale. It’s coming. Pencil it in.
BACK TO VICTORIA DRAMA
Oh, are we still dealing with this? Kiara Belen was upset that Victoria called them out again during last week’s runway. Victoria said she felt bullied. Laura said Victoria is actually the bully because she ignores everyone in the house when they try to help her. Laura thinks Vic has found her niche with the judges as this vulnerable victim. She may actually have a point with that, but it’s a moot point now.
WELCOME TO JAMAICA
Now take a bus ride with beautiful men! The models got paired up with local male models as kind of tour guides. Kiara is single and she went into Flirt Mode, which embarrassed Kristin — and probably embarrassed that guy Corey she kept talking about. Unless he was into it. They have a beautiful new house on the beach. Tyra said she shot her first swimsuit calendar in Jamaica, and she produced it herself, so that’s why they were there. Everything comes back to Tyra! She had on the best outfit during the house intro, by the way. Reveal designer, please!
ARE YOU A SMIZER OR TOOCHER?
Tyra said models are either smizers or toochers but the top top models are both smizers and toochers. Victoria was declared a toocher. Kiara was a smizer. Where’s AzMarie from Cycle 18 to give this tooch talk a good eye roll?
DANCE HALL CHALLENGE
The models were given a dance hall demonstration and the girls had to create their own routine — while also tooching and smizing. Vic and Leila were paired up because they are the resident outcasts. Team Underdogs! Especially since Victoria explained her dance experience with this: “I did dance in a Siamese ballet once...” How does she not crack herself up? The other teams were Laura with Kristin, and Nastasia with Kiara. Vic and Leila had fun and Vic even did a cartwheel. Kiara and Nastasia were “severe” and intense-looking, but Kiara ended in a cool split — by accident! Kristin looked self-conscious; Team B*tch Barbie did not really embrace the challenge.
• Nastasia & Kiara — score of 9
• Vic & Leila — score of 8
• Laura & Kristin — score of 7 (ha ha!)
Here’s Kristin’s assessment of Leila, as announced in the confessionals, alongside her bestie, Laura: “You are a lucky bitch that popped out with a f**king gap! Like, I don’t want you here!” She’s a peach, that Kristin. And didn’t she start this season by saying she was an ex-mean girl? Man, what was she like before?
Johnny Wujek’s shirt!!! Their photo shoot story was about a woman caught in a love triangle between two men. They were in Jamaica with their husband, Rob Evans, but they were having a torrid affair with their river guide. So … Victoria doesn’t get to create her own backstory? No, wait, she does it anyway! As Rob put it, “The thing with Victoria is, you want to love her but she analyzes everything and gets so lost in her characters.” True, but Johnny did ask her about her backstory. You can’t ask for it, then complain about it later.
They were allowed to pick their own male models, which was probably decided on the spot so Kiara could do more flirting with that guy Corey. She got so into the shoot she said she forgot she was modeling. It’s kind of a shame that Leila returned just to be completely covered and almost unrecognizable with her wig, turban and heavy makeup. It’s hard to identify most of the models in their photos, but Nastasia Scott was noticeably good. Johnny said he was surprised Kristin was still around, since she needs a lot of direction and she’s still not comfortable modeling her body in the photos.
VICTORIA TALKS TO HER MOM AGAIN
Whoa, whoa, whoa — they have cell phones? Why did she go into that whole cabinet to talk to her mom every week if they had the option to use cell phones? Are the phones just in Jamaica? Anyway, Victoria told her mom she was sick, but she’s feeling better. She still looks crazy skinny, but she said she was making sure to eat better. After all the phone calls, tears and talks about sickness, Vic’s mom is probably never going to let her out of the house again.
The judges didn’t seem too thrilled with the photos this week. They definitely weren’t the best of the season, although Nastasia totally owned her shot. She was the clear winner. Just an opinion!
Models ranked in order of challenge, judges’ and social media scores.
1. Nastasia — Kelly Cutrone loved her body posture and said it was a pretty good use of her angles. She’s getting better. Bryanboy said the people LOVE her. “I think you’re the queen of the jungle.” Rob said her face looked beautiful, but Tyra saw too much hooch in her tooch. (No!) Rob thinks she killed it. He gave her a perfect 10.
2. Laura — Kelly said it was a little Barbie Rapunzel for her and she wasn’t making any eye contact with the camera. That said, she did a beautiful job modeling the dress. Rob loved the shot. The attention was straight on her. Bryanboy said people love the photos. Tyra said the photo is amazing. She has neck for days. She wants to buy the earrings and the dress. Laura got the highest photo scores — again! — but her challenge score ranked her lower.
3. Leila — Rob said her body looked amazing. Bryanboy said Leila is a diamond in the rough, but with this shoot she disappointed a lot of fans. She should’ve smized more. Kelly loved her body and everything about the shot. Tyra wasn’t impressed with the shot, comparing it to something that came in a catalogue she didn’t want.
4. Kristin — Tyra said she kind of likes the photo. Kelly said her whole body is lap-dancey. Rob said she can’t help but look sexy ‘cause she’s a pretty girl, but he gets frustrated with her attitude like she doesn’t want it. She’s too cool for school. Rob tried to make a point, asking her what she would do if she were at a casting and they told her to act the fool. She danced around the room. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do. Tyra decided to illustrate ACTING THE DAMN FOOL. If anyone can do it, it’s Tyra. She went crazy demented. Oh, Tyra!
Kiara — Kelly said it looked like an off-Broadway show. Rob said she wasn’t really connecting with her models. Really? This looked like one of the better shots. No? Tyra said this doesn’t even look like Kiara’s face. Poor Kiara.
Victoria — Kelly started by greeting her, which is always a sign of bad news to come. Kelly said, “I really feel that this looks like an advert for a Celine Dion concert in Atlantic City.” Actually, with Kelly’s creative critiques, she’s not too far from Victoria’s backstories. Kelly felt it was just really lacking. Rob said it was a little dead in her face. Rob repeated that she overthinks everything. She said she’s trying.
Not our Queen Victoria! But maybe she has a future doing ads for Celine Dion concerts? Get your agent to set up a meeting, girl!
How do you feel about the decisions this episode? Did social media scores bring back the right model? And did the right model go home?
Catch the next episode of America's Next Top Model Cycle 19: College Edition on Friday, November 2 at 8 p.m. ET/PT on The CW.
Gina Carbone is a contributing writer at Wetpaint Entertainment. Follow her on Twitter @ginacarbone.
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