America's Next Top Model

Where do you go once you’re all made over and ready to meet someone new? The answer is an amusement park.

The House That Tyra Built: Tonight we’re blessed to witness two events everyone should know how to handle – an uncomfortable barbeque and a girl fight. Kacey suggests inviting all the male models from last week’s shoot to the house, because she really wants to hang out with Shaw even though she has a boyfriend (must be serious!). Or at least that’s how it looks. Lexie says she no longer trusts Kacey, which isn’t super relevant in this case, but a point we need to be reminded of so the confrontation between them later makes sense. All of the descriptions the girls give of this event are accurate – “mad awkward,” “middle school dance all over again,” “a mixer at the house, and mom’s upstairs.” Kacey flirts, Shaw takes a burger to go, and that’s about everything. Later on in the episode, Lexie tells Kacey she hasn’t like her since casting when Kacey told everyone what Lexie said about Jordan in private. She further proves how irritated she is by telling Kacey that everyone talks about her behind her back. Kacey goes around the room asking questions like, “Do you think I’m fake?” And everyone pretty much says, “Yeah.”

Once the Plummet Begins, Try and Be Sexy: Are we meant to discuss this seriously? Our best guess is that producers were trying to top the makeover episode, because how else did we get a challenge where this is one of the instructions: “Try not to pee when you’re above us.” The models have to ride the Silver Bullet roller coaster at Knott’s Berry Farm, resisting wind and gravity to embody specific emotions to be captured by the ride’s mounted cameras. Via an earpiece, Nigel and Ms. J give directions from below, which each girl must strain to hear over her own bloodcurdling screams. The only thing that makes this better is that there are regular park guests riding alongside them. Among the emotions: intense/fierce (Ann), edgy (Kacey), jealousy/envy (Lexie), secretive (Chelsey), and melancholy (Jane). Our favorite is the “model fear” emotion assigned to Rhianna, but our real favorite is Nigel’s message to Rhianna: “It’s absurd if you don’t actually knock this one out of the park literally.” Literally knock her face out of the park? Liz wins the challenge and gets a photo shoot with Tyra Banks, which will be featured on her website. Liz gets to bring along two guests and picks Kayla and Chris. Once the shoot is over, there’s a completely random tea party with three Alices and one Mad Hatter.

Seafood-Diamond MRIs: For this shoot, the models are supposed to imagine themselves as underwater sea goddesses. Draped in jewelry and octopi, each girl lays perfectly still on a contraption that rolls underneath a large tank of water. The Very Famous photographer Matthew Rolston takes photos from above. Rolston does thorough face examinations of the models beforehand, where he immediately zones in on the thing that is wrong with each of them. The major drama from the shoot comes from Liz’s complaints about her contacts, and it isn’t that major at all.

The Firing Squad: This shoot was a home run for most of the models. Andre thinks Esther looks like a young Elizabeth Taylor, which is high praise indeed. The judges think Kayla is a chameleon, and Ann is superb. Chris’s shot is Rolston’s favorite. There is concern over Rhianna’s uncomfortable expression, and Chelsey’s heavy makeup. Ann wins for the third week in a row. Should we just call this competition a wrap already?

Call-out Order: Ann, Kacey, Esther, Chris, Kendal, Lexie, Kayla, Jane and Chelsey. Liz and Rhianna are the bottom two. This makes sense not only because of performance, but because of the episode’s narrative. Liz complained a lot and worried about her daughter back home. Rhianna was concerned about competing against her twin Ann.

Rollerblading Out of Venice Beach and Into the Sunset: Rhianna. Though they loved her flower child persona, they were concerned about her lack of versatility in the shoots. Peace, Rhi-Rhi.