During the July 21 Bachelorette Men Tell All special, producers unleashed a phantasmagoria of awesome on the audience: an extended, drama-filled preview of ABC’s new spin-off series, Bachelor in Paradise. The newest promo plays like a trailer for a teen horror flick — we kind of expected the voice over guy to say “ABC knows what you did last summer.” In other words,  we’re so watching this series...  


The cast helps to establish the crazy “WTF?” mood producers are trying to create by laying down some horror-esque interview bites of their own. Michelle Money says “this is a living hell,” and then we hear one of the male cast members say, “My wish is that this was a dream and I could wake up from it.” Ben Scott looks directly at camera and says “I regret getting on that plane.” We regret that we still have nearly two weeks to wait until we can watch this show.

Thankfully, the Bates Motel flavor of it all doesn’t seem to be dampening any of the cast member’s libidos — the promo is full of sexy times. We see Chris Bukowski handing Elise Mosca a rose and telling her “this is the best feeling I’ve had in a long time.” Then Marcus Grodd — we’re pretty sure it’s his voice — gets over Andi Dorfman by saying “I hope you know by now that I love you” — right before we see his face attach itself to Lacy Faddoul’s.

Michelle Money and Cody Sattler make out, Clare Crawley and Robert Graham get very sexy in the ocean, and then two girls make out on the beach. Yeah, you read that last part right.

In between it all, people yell, someone tells someone else “I will punch you in the face,” practically everyone cries, and someone finds blood on the floor. Then an ambulance shows up (Reality Steve explains why here) and we get a slow-mo shot of a man’s hands in handcuffs. Did someone get arrested? You can read all about that here.

After all that, Chris Harrison starts quietly moaning in the corner. That’s not true, but that’s what we felt like doing after watching. What the what?

Watch the craziness in all its glory for yourself below, then tell us your thoughts in the comments — how insane, and insanely addicting, does this show look?!

Source: ABC