So far, Lacy Faddoul has not been a voice of reason on Bachelor in Paradise, with her “80/40” comment and her waxing poetic about how deep a connection she has with Marcus Grodd (solely because of his “pretty eyes”). But she summed up Episode 3’s shocking Chris Bukowski exit better than anyone when she said that “no one was shocked that Chris left — everyone was shocked that Elise [Mosca] went with him.” #Truth.

Chris tore a ligament (ouch) early on, and it gave us some of the best quotes of the season thus far, with Elise dropping such nuggets as: “Chris is the perfect Prince Charming,” and he’s now “my man forever,” and “the pain is a turning point in our relationship.”

Follow her totally not delusional musings with Chris’s — “I’m in agony because of my knee, but she’s super hot and I just want to spend the night together” and “I’m always horny so this isn’t going to stop me” — and you’ve got a match made in heaven. See, you can find love in Paradise, as long as you believe love lasts the length of an overnight date. 


But back to the beginning. Marquel Martin begins and ends the episode a P.I.M.P. He starts the week strolling the beach with Michelle Money, but by the time TGIF rolls around, he has a new partner, Jackie Parr. Now, he has not one but two women hating him: Michelle and Danielle Ronco, who calls Paradise Marq-hell. This love trapezoid winds up with Jackie in possession of a rose, Danielle in possession of regret she’s ever heard of Tulum, and Michelle in possession of an ugly cry.

While Marquel gets busy juggling his two new gal pals, Michelle realizes he’s like a raccoon — attracted to shiny new things — and that if she wants to stay in Paradise she needs to swap makeout buddies. M-squared really, really wants to stay in Paradise, so she makes a play for Robert Graham’s rose by telling him she’d like to “get to know him better.” Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. This might have worked if Rob Rob wasn’t already developing some feelsies for Sarah Herron (who cries most of the episode for feeling like the 13th wheel).

Elsewhere, AshLee Frazier continues to plan her wedding to Graham BunnClare Crawley sees a turtle and thinks it’s a sign from her deceased father that she and Zack Kalter belong together, and Lacy and Marcus briefly get up to go to the bathroom and sip tequila then go back to their lawn chairs to gaze at each other’s aforementioned pretty eyes. 

Cue the rose ceremony. Marquel becomes the most hated man on the island when he gives his rose to Jackie over Danielle and Michelle. Robert kicks a woman while she’s down and gives his flower to Sarah over Michelle. Graham continues to fear for his life and sperm count and hands his petals to AshLee. Marcus, we don’t even need to mention. Chris gives a speech (see, he and Elise are perfect) then tells Elise he can’t give her his rose because he’s peacing out and he wants her to ride off into the sunset with him.

Elise accepts (of course), and somewhere Dylan Petitt breathes a sigh of relief. So this leaves a rose still up in the air, with Michelle and Danielle flowerless. Chris makes another speech — what is it with these guys and their talking? — and gives his petals to Michelle because she “truly deserves it.”

It was actually a very sweet moment — Michelle reacted like he’d just given her his second kidney — but one with repercussions because the (im)balance of the house has now been thrown off irrevocably! Each week there is always supposed to be one sex in power, with two more of one gender than another. Now there’s only a difference of one. What does this mean for Paradise? We can’t wait for next week’s double-header to find out!

What did you think of Chris giving his rose to Michelle? Tell us in the comments.