Bachelorette 2015 Premiere Recap: Team Kaitlyn or Team Britt?
SHAWN E., KAITLYN BRISTOWE, BRITT NILSSON
Credit: ABC/Rick Rowell    

The Bachelorette

Bachelorette 2015 Premiere Recap: Team Kaitlyn or Team Britt?

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The wait is over, our rose-huffing brethren: The Bachelorette returned this week for the Season 11 Premiere, starring our girls Kaitlyn Bristowe and Britt Nilsson, and 25 guys who may end up seeking an arranged marriage if this thing doesn’t work out. Chris Harrison donned the finest in menswear and a hint of bronzer to upstage the gentlemen (and a drunk person — we’ll get to that) who have flown all this way to laugh at Kaitlyn’s jokes and touch Britt’s hair.

 

Twenty-five will walked confidently into the Mansion, where countless unspeakable acts have happened, and nearly all will walk out losers. In the May 18 episode, part one of a two-night premiere, the guys had a new challenge that is only really sexist and awful if you think about it for too long the first of many they’ll face. After dressing themselves and figuring out the least douchey gimmick to get two girls to remember them, they had to exit a limo and immediately make one girl angry by not greeting her first. After that, in tonight's May 19 part two, they sent one girl home, and then tried to snag themselves a rose and make it through the night.


With no further ado, let’s all move our wine boxes closer, adjust our yoga pants, and get down to the nitty gritty of the Season 11 Premiere.

Which Bachelorette Did the Guys Pick?

Bachelorette Premiere Voting
Credit: ABC/Rick Rowell    

Although the theme hung heavy over the first night, the first episode didn’t end with one girl getting the boot — we had to wait until tonight’s second part kicked off, and first watch a whole episode of the girls being nervous. Alas, Britt’s ominous “the first night might be the last” statement earlier in the night proved true, and Canada’s own Kait won out the vote.

 

Chris Harrison at least ripped off the band aid quickly (yet gently), finding the L.A. waitress alone outside and letting her know, “The majority of men have chosen one woman who they can hopefully see a future with. Britt, unfortunately, you’re not going to be the Bachelorette.”

 

She handled it surprisingly well — and much better than her elimination on Bachelor 19 with Chris Soules — wiping away a tear and calmly stating, “I just really felt like I met a lot of really amazing people … It felt really right, I’m just really surprised. I still appreciate being allowed to be part of this.”


She then got in the limo and drove away within the first five minutes of the episode. There were more tears in the exit interview, which was about as dramatic as it got, but at least she can take solace in Chris’ statement that it was “very close.” And don’t feel too bad for Britt just yet, because love might be just around the corner… more on that below.

Who Went Home?

Ryan McDill
Credit: Craig Sjodin/ABC Television Group © 2015 Disney    

Though the rose ceremony wasn’t until tonight’s part two of the premiere, we already saw Ryan McDill, aka Nikki Ferrell’s ex-boyfriend, get sent home earlier in the night after he came on the show, got plastered, and got the Harrison outta there. If you didn’t watch, just know that it was a disaster bigger than three seasons of Bachelor Pad, all which also happened in those hallowed halls and hot tub. More details on that below.

 

After Kaitlyn was crowned queen, ahem, Bachelorette, she got to do her first eliminations in the official rose-giving of the season — but not before Brady Toops pulled her aside and took himself out of the competition. Read on for more details on that.

 

The others who were bid adieu in the ceremony were less surprising, with Bradley and David, who each got barely any screen time, let go by the former dance instructor. Memorable arrivals Josh Seiter, aka the stripper who Kait originally said “Britt can have,” and hot tub car driver Shawn Evans were also rose-less. We’re guessing Shawn E.’s downfall had something to do with those inappropriate “tips” he gave as an “amateur sex coach.” No thank you, guy.

Let’s Talk About Brady Toops

Bachelorette premiere BRADY Toops and BRITT NILSSON
Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group © 2015 Disney    

From the first minute Brady Toops welcomed himself into our lives, we knew he was going to write a song about Britt. Homeboy is a former pro-baller turned Christian songwriter, and he spent the evening campaigning for the other guys to vote for the fellow faith-focused gal.

 

So when Britt was sent packing, Brady had to follow his heart and follow her off of the show. He pulled Kaitlyn aside at the start of her first rose ceremony and was completely honest with her — a move the Bachelorette appreciated, but the rest of the contestants found to be “selfish” and rude.

 

Brady’s emotional plea was as follows: “This has been really hard for me, honestly. It’s been a really emotional night. I just want to say that I’ve been so impressed with who you are on so many levels. Honestly, I think it’s time for me to take a risk. If I’m honest with you, my heart is with the woman who left a couple hours ago.”

 

And he wasn’t just going to leave it at that — in fact, he tracked down Host Harrison to ”go find Britt. I’m going to see if she’s open to finding love.”


Want to know if he really did it and if Britt accepted? Click over here to find out!

Trainwreck of the Night

bachelorette premiere BRITT NILSSON, RYAN M.
Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group © 2015 Disney    

Whose disaster meter is at the max? If you guessed Ryan McDill, you’re the winner!

 

We have to admit that we were kinda hoping Nikki’s ex would get a happy ending. He started strong, exiting his limo with a “Honeys, I’m home!” but with no tie or jacket (dude, this isn’t a dorm meeting, it’s your LIFE). It didn’t take long to realize he was either plastered pre-arrival, or made quick work of the Fireball there.

 

Starved for attention, he knocked feverishly on the window and waved at the girls. And there was a hint of innocent glee in his voice when he exclaimed, "They waved at me!"

 

But then, it all went sour. Here is a collection of his awful comments, presented for your judgement:

 

"I'm all horned up right now."

"I apologize for nothing. Sorry for being awesome."

"I want to date both of them because I'm selfish."

"I'd like to take that girl out for a nice steak dinner and never call her again."

"Is this the gay Bachelor?"

“This place is over.”

 

Stumbling hammered, he stripped down to his skivvies and went swimming solo. After that, he entered the deliberation room, yelled at the girls in the pictures (he did know they were pictures, right?), then knocked Kaitlyn's picture off the wall. Eventually, either confused or too “horned up” to decide, he threw his rose at the wall. Is that a vote for Chris?

 

Multiple dudes confronted him, including Shawn Evans, whose hot tub car routine got stymied by Ryan. When the second guy approached him, to chastise him for TOUCHING KAITLYN’S BUTT, he replied, "Why am I not raping you right now?” Buddy.

 

A large bouncer came to fetch him after a bit, telling him that Chris Harrison wanted to talk to him. Ryan had no clue who that was, and upon going outside, he couldn’t figure out how to get around the rose bush to talk to Herr Harrison. The Host With the Most gave him the boot, and still Ryan stood there instead of getting in the van. At this point, we were wondering if it was out of stubbornness or because he was trying not to fall over from being so lit up.

Chris told the guys Ryan wasn’t there for the “right reasons,” and we seriously hope that he was implying that Ryan had gone on the show to impress Nikki. Because, home run, pal.

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Credit: Giphy    

Quote of the Night

bachelorette premiere TONY, BRITT NILSSON
Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group © 2015 Disney    

Spiritual guru Tony Harris couldn’t wait to take his black eye and stuff a rose in Britt’s box. The second Chris Harrison announced voting had begun, he pushed past him and into the deliberation room. Without hesitation, he gave Brittles the rose, saying that "energy coming from the chest with Britt’s name on it was pulsating." Cool, man.

Most Memorable Arrivals

SHAWN EVANS in the Bachelorette Premiere
Credit: ABC/Rick Rowell    

With two girls and only two hours, the 25 guys mostly refrained from making too big of asses of themselves.

 

The biggest standouts for arrivals were:

 

1. Hot Tub Auto Machine? You know how there are those trucks, like what Parks and Rec’s Donna Meagle and Tom Haverford would ride in for Treat Yo Self Day? The kind with a chauffeur up front and a sexy tub in the back? This was not that. It was a car that was completely full of water. And waist deep in it, suit and all, was Canadian “sex teacher” slash dad slash real estate agent slash personal trainer, Shawn Evans. Poor guy had his arrival interrupted by Ryan McDill, who announced that the car sucked and he sucks. To be fair, the wide shiny tie probably didn’t do Shawn any favors.

 

2. A Dentist and a Cupcake. Chris Strandburg from Nashville (via Cali) somehow made a cupcake his car and rolled up hilariously, then said, "Normally I tell my patients to avoid sugar but I wanted to do something sweet for you because you're the most special ladies in the world." Points because, cupcakes.

 

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Credit: Giphy    

3. The Stripper. Josh, Josh, Josh. Buddy. If you’re a stripper, you should maybe wait on that to talk about. Instead, homeboy started dancing — sans music — and removing his clothes, alternating between girls and putting Britt’s hand on his abs. It was… rough. In the words of Kaitlyn, "When you see a guy whose hips move like that, there's no doubt in my mind he's a stripper. Britt can have him."

Bachelorette premiere JOSH Seiter, KAITLYN BRISTOWE, and BRITT NILSSON
Credit: Rick Rowell/ABC Television Group © 2015 Disney    

4. Pucking A! JJ Lane III pulled a smart move on the first night, bringing KB a gift and saying, “I've played ice hockey my whole life and I would love to puck you.” The best? Telling Britt he wanted to “puck her too.”


5. Tears For Fears. We still can’t tell if Tanner Tolbert was trying to be nice or naughty, but boyfriend brought Brittle Brit a packet of tissues, explaining to her that he watched her cry last season. It was hilarious as a joke, but may not be the best move if you want to stick around and woo the girl. Next time, bring cucumbers, too, for the puffiness.