Grab that box of tissues, Bones fans! Broadsky and his evil, trigger-happy sniper ways are back, and nobody at the Jeffersonian is safe.
OK, this week's tear-jerker starts off in the middle of the remote wilderness, with Public Enemy Number One (that's Broadsky, BTW) holding target practice with some rando friend and toasting beers "to the good guys." Um, maybe you didn't get the memo, you psycho, but "good guys" usually don't hide in the middle of nowhere with a stash of semiautomatic rifles. Just FYI.
Back in the real world, Brennan (Emily Deschanel), Booth (David Boreanaz), and Sweets (John Francis Daley) are grabbing a bite and chewing the fat about Broadsky when Nigel-Murray bursts in with some j'amazing news — the T-Rex suit has arrived! Apparently he and Bones are set to present a paper at a conference ("The Comparative Four-Limb Osteology and Bio-Mechanics of Theropod Versus Homosapien,"), and Vincent's dino-sized news sends Bones into such a state of giggly girlish glee, she can barely hold herself together. The Theropod good times are prematurely cut short, though, when Booth receives urgent news of a Broadsky sighting. Well, speak of the devil!
Booth rushes over to the site of the Broadsky sighting, which turns out to be a cemetery (as if the guy wasn't creepy enough already). All of a sudden, a nearby bouquet of flowers starts ringing. Booth, always 10 steps ahead, remembers that Gerber daisies don't normally ring, and after some digging around under the bouquet, he unearths a cell phone. Broadsky's on the other end (natch), and he tells Booth that since he's playing for the other team (which we're pretty sure wasn't intended as some sort of ill-timed coming out), he has no choice but to take out Agent Awesome.
Meanwhile, over at
Jurassic Park the Jeffersonian, Nigel-Murray is sporting a very fetching T-Rex shrug. He tells Hodgins (TJ Thyne) all about the teeny-tiny arm power of the otherwise jumbo-sized lizard — which, he theorizes, probably means that man could beat the beast in an arm-wrestling contest. NM's so into his new fossil frock — and so into the idea of a man/dinosaur showdown — that he starts busting into a hypnotic dance from Was (Not Was)'s '80s-tastic hit "Walk the Dinosaur." Clearly, Cam (Tamara Taylor) is less than impressed.
In another busy corner of the Jeff, Angela (Michaela Conlin), who feels like "an overstuffed turkey shoved into the overhead bin on an overcrowded flight," puts a trace on the phone that Broadsky lovingly left Booth. As Booth starts to make for the door, Ange warns him to be careful. Uh oh, suddenly we're starting to get worried, too!
Over in FBI-land, Shaw runs a list of all of Broadsky's crum-bum cronies and deduces that his right-hand man is one Matthew Leishenger (she pulls a picture of him up on the computer, and *spoiler* it's the dude who was toasting brewskies with Broadsky in the woods). Booth, Shaw, and Sweets take a drive over to Leishenger's middle-of-nowhere cabin, only to discover a forest full of hungry maggots chowing down on his corpse. Now, who could have done that to good ol' Leishenger?
Even worse, Shaw spots a camera mounted on a nearby tree. Yep, Broadsky's not only turning his friends into worm chow, he's also stalking people on his personal computer. Cut to a shot of Broadsky staring down the real good guys on a monitor and polishing a shiny new bullet — surrounded by the fancy guns he swiped from his now-dead pal. Paging Creepy, party of one!
Back at the Jeff, Cam and Nigel-Murray examine what's left of the body and figure that Leishenger had been a Happy Meal for the critters of Creepy Hollow for about five days. The cause of death? A stab wound under the chin — which really just goes to prove, in case there were any doubters, that Broadsky is kind of a bad friend. Suddenly, Hodgins bursts in with an even more fantastical robot T-Rex suit for Vincent. The pair sit down for the long-awaited arm-wrestling contest, pitting man against dino-machine. After coming out the gates with a strong advantage, the mighty T-Rex falls. MAN WINS! As the victor, Hodgins is tasked with the job of figuring out what, if anything, was nabbed from Leishenger's wallet.
After Sweets sweetly informs us (in what has to be the show's biggest "oh no!" piece of foreshadowing to date) that anybody on Team Booth is a possible target, the camera cuts to an uber-creepy montage of Broadsky setting up his rifle high atop a crane, while all of our beloved friends wander around the city below — each and every one a moving target. Eep!
After we recover from the mini-heart attack the writers seemed hell-bent on giving us, Booth's phone rings. He hands it over to Nigel-Murray with strict instructions to pick it up on the fifth ring so the call can be traced (hint: he's on the damn crane, fools!). When Vincent answers, Broadsky uses thermal imaging to deduce the exact location of the phone — and fires. Vincent is hit directly in the heart, and in a tear-jerking final bow, begs — begs! — Brennan not to make him leave. He wants to stay, he says — he doesn't want to go. Booth does everything he can to apply pressure on the gunshot, and Brennan even tells Vincent he's her all-time favorite squintern. But eventually it's too late; he's gone.
Later, the shell-shocked gang gathers to make sense of Vincent's untimely death. Booth realizes the call was meant for him, and if he hadn't passed the phone over to Nigel-Murray, he would be the one laid out in a pine box. Brennan awkwardly declares that Booth has blood on his hands, and it takes Angela's thankfully level-headed tact to point out that it's Vincent's literal, not metaphorical, blood that Bones is talking about. Good save, Ange! After Booth vows to catch the SOB who's caused all this heartache, he informs Bones that she's crashing at his place tonight. We hate to point out the silver lining in such dire circumstances, but a B&B sleepover? Hell, at least something good came out of Vincent's death!
Over at Chateau Seeley, Booth and Brennan figure out the sleeping arrangements (Bones calls the couch), and the pair eventually settle in for some well-deserved shuteye. But at some point around the witching hour, Brennan bursts into the bedroom, and Booth instinctively draws his weapon. Yes, it's a gun in his pajamas pocket, but he's also happy to see Bones, honestly! — and even more happy to console her once she turns into a sobbing puddle of hysterical sadness. See, the good doc thinks Vincent's dying words indicated that he thought she was some kind of awful person who didn't want him around. Booth, his voice calm and full of sexy reassurance, tells his partner that Vincent wasn't talking to her — that he was talking to God, or the universe, begging the cosmos to let him stay because he wasn't ready to die. It's all very heavy stuff, and the pair eventually collapse onto the bed, Booth's big, burly arms wrapped around a devastated Brennan...
Cut to the day after the night before (and by the way, we're not at all sure what went down once Booth dried Bones's crying eyes): Cam tearfully tells Angela about how she broke the painful news of Vincent's death to his mother (PS: Cam crying was almost more than we could bear!), and Hodgins bursts in with some helpful wallet-related news. The day before, he discovered traces of gold left behind in the billfold, and during his most recent analysis, he learned the impression was made by an access card.
Meanwhile, Booth grills Leishenger's boss, who says the key card in question was for access to D.C.'s port. And — surprise, surprise! — the camera quickly cuts to Broadsky using the purloined card to get into the shipping yard.
Back at the Jeff, Bones hems and haws over poor Vincent's bones. Ange busts in and is all, "What are you doing?" until the sheepish doctor finally confesses that she hopped into bed with Booth the night before. Ange is all "Oh no you di-in't!" — and just as she starts pressing for more details, and just as we're about to fall out of our seat in anticipation, Hodgins waltzes in with some damned work jibber-jabber. As the collective sound of hundreds of millions of Bones devotees screaming "NOOOOO!" finally dies down, and after the big moment is completely destroyed, the girls fitfully shoo Hodgins away. Confused, he runs over to Cam, and after a marathon rant about vegetables and chemicals, he finally spits out that the bullet was made near the ocean (duh, the port! — we know that!), where produce is decontaminated. Now that, we didn't know!
Hodgins calls Booth at the port with his fruit and veggie lead, and Bones's maybe-boyfriend (we still don't know!) sets off for the produce barge in question — his bad-ass sniper rifle in tow. Booth eventually manages to locate his Nigel-Murray-murdering nemesis, and after a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse, our guy finally corners Broadsky and shoots the sucker in the leg.
Back at the Jeff, where everyone's waiting on tenterhooks, Brennan nervously takes a call and then delivers the amazing news that Broadsky's been captured and Booth is safe. She shoots Ange a knowing look — a look which begs the question, "What the hell, Bones writers?!" First they kill off lovable little Vincent, and now all this sexy suspense? Rage!
Finally, the gang gathers to see NM's body off to merry ol' England. To commemorate the occasion, everybody shares their favorite Vincent factoids (did you know the top of the Eiffel Tower is six inches shorter in winter? — Vincent did, God love him!). The hearse carries away the casket, and the group pays homage to their fallen friend by singing his favorite song, "Put the Lime in the Coconut." As the others walk ahead, Bones grabs for Booth's arm and Angela flashes her BFF yet another knowing smile. Double-rage! Seriously, Ange — way to rub it in!
And that's that, Bonesheads. Did they or didn't they? Guess we'll all have to tune in to next week's sure-to-be talked about finale to find out!
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